Recent Posts

options
quote
Post a Random Thought written Aug 5, 2021 18:58:05 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
few things fuel me with enough spite to get through my rl workload and tasks like blasting chug jug with you at 3am on repeat while sleep-deprived



coming soon.
options
quote
Favorite Line from your Last Post written Jul 31, 2021 17:36:43 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
this technically is no longer my from my last post but i rlly rlly love this thread so i am contractually obligated to share some lines i liked from it

Soldiers do not get to say sorry. You learn that well enough when you're brought into a battlefield, armed to fight in a war for duty, god, and country. There is no room to hesitate in the guilt of a decision, no matter its cost. Once you make the choice to pay it, you fucking pay it to the end.
"Lie to me and plead for forgiveness."

It's a quiet command, amidst his confusion, without anything less than absolute conviction, as she takes one more step forward, sizing him up. Waiting, expectant, uncompromising.

"Beg."

He likes to liken himself to a soldier, doesn't he?

Then here is the command, soldier.
A question to consider, or perhaps some food for thought:

Does penitence for an act absolve its perpetrator?

Does a monster who asks for pardon, even if it is a lie, deserve it?
This is how the good doctor lies: not with gritted teeth but quiet acquiescence.

last edit on Jul 31, 2021 17:37:21 GMT by CEL



coming soon.
options
quote
Sites You Want To See written Jul 12, 2021 6:20:30 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
the bright sessions/the AM archives-esque, thank u. i want my dysfunctional x-men coping with acting ordinary as a corrupt government organization monitors them. sci-fi, slice of life, potentially darker themes like unethical experimentation, capitalist critique—



coming soon.
options
quote
What are you reading? written Jul 5, 2021 0:05:15 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
finished One Last Stop by Casey Mcquiston a few days ago, then jumped into All Systems Red by Martha Wells. just finished it, i love murderbot, and the first passage is probably one of my favorite all time openers.

I could have become a mass murderer after I hacked my governor module, but then I realized I could access the combined feed of entertainment channels carried on the company satellites. It had been well over 35,000 hours or so since then, with still not much murdering, but probably, I don't know, a little under 35,000 hours of movies, serials, books, plays, and music consumed. As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure.


also really liked this line and how this book manages to juggle both humor, heart, and questions of existence and identity, and the mortifying ordeal of being known in a gleefully self-aware “eat the rich” sci-fi

“You don’t blame humans for what you were forced to do? For what happened to you?”

This is why I’m glad I’m not human. They come up with stuff like this. I said, “No. That’s a human thing to do. Constructs aren’t that stupid.”

What was I supposed to do, kill all humans because the ones in charge of constructs in the company were callous? Granted, I liked the imaginary people on the entertainment feed way more than I liked real ones, but you can’t have one without the other.”



coming soon.
options
quote
What are you reading? written Jun 28, 2021 6:53:55 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
finally kicked my reading slump's butt and finished Know My Name by Chanel Miller a couple days ago. some passages that hit so well include—

SPOILER: Click to show
It took me a long time to learn healing is not about advancing, it is about returning repeatedly to forage something. Writing this book allowed me to go back to that place. I learned to stay in the hurt, to resist leaving. If I got stuck inside scenes in the courtroom, I would glance down at Mogu and wonder, if I am really in the past, how did this blinking thing get in my house? I assembled and reassembled letters in ways that would describe what I’d seen and felt. As I revisited that landscape, I grew more in control, could come and go when I needed to. Until one day I found there was nothing left to gather.

——

Victims exist in a society that tells us our purpose is to be an inspiring story. But sometimes the best we can do is tell you we’re still here, and that should be enough. Denying darkness does not bring anyone closer to the light.

——

I can’t tell you what happens next because I have not yet lived it. This book does not have a happy ending. The happy part is there is no ending, because I’ll always find a way to keep going.


also finally started reading One Last Stop by Casey Mcquiston (10/10 would recommend thus far for anyone who needs a light and easy read, there's time traveling wlw. what more can you want tbh) which, even if i'm not the type to default to contemporaries, this book is perceiving me so much and i am. Screaming. 

SPOILER: Click to show
There's always been a schematic in August's head of how things are supposed to be. Her whole life, she managed the noise and buzz and creeping dread in her brain by mapping things out, telling herself that if she looked hard enough, she'd find an explanation for everything. But here they are, looking at each other across the steady delineation of things August understands, watching the line blur.

——

Jane's not exactly here permanently. She's not exactly here at all. And, well, August has never truly had her heart broken before, but she's pretty sure that falling in love with someone only to send them back to the 1970s would, as first heartbreaks go, win the Fuck You Up Olympics.

——

The moonlight moves, a cool slash across the foot of the bed, and August squeezes her eyes shut. There's not point to it, loving a girl who can't touch the ground. August knows this.

But to kiss and be kissed. To be wanted. That's a different thing from love. And maybe, maybe if she tried, they could have something. Not everything, but something.



coming soon.
options
quote
Favorite Line from your Last Post written Jun 28, 2021 4:20:57 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
don't mind ya girl, emo over a thread on main as she still tries to remember how to write for literally everything else she owes

So she focuses now on something else: on ideas and allowances, on being wanted and being loved, on having quiet mornings and simply... living. Maybe not together, and maybe not in the same timeframe, but alongside still. It's not always waking up beside, but its knowing there's space in the bed. Separate orbits, but always with the same intersection, returning point.

A romantic might say: ever in sync, even miles or oceans away. She can't help but wonder if that actually lands true. If that's something she can allow, or want, or even consider.

An immortal loving someone touched by time, in all their complexity and uncertainty, is always tinged with bittersweet.


last edit on Jun 28, 2021 4:21:39 GMT by CEL



coming soon.
options
quote
Favorite Line from your Last Post written Jun 24, 2021 18:50:49 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
if i had a nickel for every time i went emo over writing a redheaded soldier who wants to matter so damn much struggling to admit their most personal insecurities to someone, particularly when those uncertainties are somewhat triggered by their own love for a dark haired witch who wears a ponytail, i'd have two nickels. which is not a lot, but it's kind of weird that it's happened twice.

So she lifts the cigarette to her lips and drags it, and she wonders if tobacco does much against a vampire's heart. ( Cheesy, she knows, but it's a more reasonable conclusion to make for the pang. )

"I don't know," is her quiet response. She doesn't know if it's a lie to him or to herself, or if it's a shred of honesty from the armor. Cecilia wants to say that it's easy—you keep moving, and she has an eternity he does not, so it is only expected—but then she remembers the night of his attack. And how prepared she had been to storm heaven and hell itself.

It is easy to say you can stomach losing a person. It is harder to live with the thought.

"Maybe be angry," is her eventual follow up. She blows the smoke away, letting the musing simmer. "At them. At whoever pulls the trigger. At myself." For allowing it to pass. For making it pass. For letting it affect. It's a warring conflict and Cecilia can't quite tell who stands on the winning edge.


edit: some other lines from my last few two posts in this thread bc i like them, dont perceive me

Maybe that kind of thing doesn't start with a choice. Maybe it just blooms, and you go from there.

This is one thing few understand about love: it is the uninvited guest who crashes in once, and whom they decide to let in every visit after. No matter if they'd broken the window the first time.
She burns in her anger until she's forgotten what it's like to exist without it.

It's selfish and it's stupid and it's illogical, at its very heart. And here she is, wondering why it's so damn hard to believe in someone who actually stays.
last edit on Jun 26, 2021 13:19:02 GMT by CEL



coming soon.
options
quote
Post a Random Thought written Jun 17, 2021 0:19:11 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
the mood for today is being semi-hungover and tsundere-style loving your friends in the language of "i will commit murder for yall dorks you better know that"

aka im finally over my late night vc with a couple of them and damn ive missed feeling that energy



coming soon.
options
quote
gamer confessions written Jun 14, 2021 20:23:30 GMT
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
vice Avatar
Jun 11, 2021 18:37:56 GMT said:
yooo just got dishonored 2 and it's fire af like hello who gave u permission to be so good?

hi yes TASTE the aramis stilton level lives rent free in my head since release it was (clenches fist) so good



coming soon.
options
quote
Post a Random Thought written Jun 9, 2021 19:28:05 GMT via mobile
the narrative
aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
821written posts
CELearned bits
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
CEL Avatar
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
cae Avatar
Jun 9, 2021 17:39:49 GMT said:
i will never understand why and how people spill their guts to literal strangers on the internet  
or even irl like? wtf

i told myself i wouldnt bump this but here we heckin' are i'm sorry but just straight up? anonymity and connection make for a hell of a security blanket.

people find other people they share interests with—likely interests they can't even imagine sharing with someone else in a real public space, and that makes for a sense of trust, in a way. friendships get formed out of mutual interest, and it's so easy to separate and pretend you exist outside and whatever clusterfuck one considers their real identity in an online platform. confidence can be easier. sincerity can be easier.

all those make it,,,, a thousand times less heavy to genuinely divulge your struggles, anxieties, so on, i suppose. because fundamentally, connecting to strangers that you already share a bond with, who may never have the opportunity to connect real identity = online persona, gives a sense of a "safe space". no one can fully judge, react, respond to a person in a really impacting level if they don't know them personally.

but yeah divulging sensitive information like credit card numbers or something??? whole other ball game pls don't do that folks. unless you want to buy me a coffee in ko-fi or support my patreon- no im kidding

last edit on Jun 9, 2021 19:29:48 GMT by CEL



coming soon.