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The biggest factor for me is just...feeling invisible and/or struggling to get plots. I'm not a very social person, but that hasn't been so much of an issue on sites until recently. I don't want to have to fight just to be heard. It's frustrating and I don't have the stamina for it.
There's also depression, which for me can be set off by skins alone, like...I love dark skins, but some have a way of slowly turning my mood down south, to the point where merely glancing at it just makes my head feel like an overflowing trash bin.
But yeah, sometimes it's just lack of interest, either in the character making process or soon after.
It's actually pretty rare that I flake before either the site closes or the admins leave without formally closing the site, but it's happened a few times.
Most of the time I lurk in a community for like a week just to see if I think I'd get along with them, but there's been a few times I've jumped the gun and talking to people was just awkward. I couldn't deal, so I ended up leaving. This typically happens before I finish a character or get into threads though. No one's fault, not blaming it on cliques or anything, just me not clicking with people.
Sometimes I'll leave if someone does one of those small number of things that just sets me off. The big ones are people arguing semantics with me (especially if it's staff and especially if they pended my character because of it) or people making lewd comments towards me, typically about my name. I guarantee I've heard just about every joke you can think of and it got old like more than 10 years ago. There's more, but those are the big ones. Sometimes I can get past it, but a lot of the time I just can't deal.
But those are both things that happen before I really get integrated into the community most of the time. The only thing that can make me leave a community is when I'm just not having fun. I don't force myself to stick around because I used to have fun or because there's people I like there. I do try to fix it, but if I fail I'm going to go find a place where I do actually enjoy myself because this is a hobby. Most of the time that's just threads coming to a screeching halt, but sometimes it can be plots not going anywhere or me feeling like I have to lead literally every thread I'm in. I don't like holding peoples' hands, and while I can tolerate it for a little while, if I feel like I'm the only one making things happen I get pretty disheartened and it's hard for me to enjoy what's going on. Same if people are constantly complaining about how they want threads, but every time I try to get something going we never get past the spitballing stage. I don't care how your character might react, I just want to find that starting point so we can do something. Talking can be fun, but I tend to only find it fun when there's already something going, not talking about hypotheticals. Sometimes plotting with people can feel like pulling teeth, and if it goes on for too long or with too large a percentage of the community, then I can't deal. Unfortunately, these kinds of things tend to be harder to spot early, so that tends to be what gets me to actually flake.
In all fairness, all I really need in a site is something to feel invested about. Something that'll keep me coming back for more. Something that makes me feel like I'm writing because I want to, and not because I have to.
Shitty members, shitty staff, cliques, all of that I can easily ignore if I have something that keeps me interested.
I JUST LOVE PLOTS AND CHARACTERS THAT MAKE ME EXCITED, OKAY? \o/
i'm gonna preface this by saying that, aside from chaos theory, i've only joined one site in the last three years, and even before that, i rarely joined sites. joining a site is a big decision for me, one that's on par with getting a pet, because yeah roleplaying is a hobby, but for me it's also a big commitment, because you've got to: 1) make a character, 2) plot with people, 3) roleplay with people, and 4) integrate with the community. if i don't feel like i can get through all those steps, or don't feel motivated to do so, i'm not gonna join.
not to mention i'm also an extremely picky person with sites, but that's because when i join a site, i have intentions of making it a home. so basically, if i join(ed) your site, consider it a great honour, thanks
now that that's out of the way, i have flaked on sites before. mostly when i was 12 to 16 years old.
the biggest reason for me flaking is the community and staff. if i find that i don't like them, for reasons such as them being two-faced, or cliquey and stuck up their own asses, or if they're treating roleplay as Serious Business and i feel pressured to post more than i feel able to, i'm gone. i want my 'home' to have a positive atmosphere, to be supportive of when i can't post because of my muse (muselessness that can happen for weeks and months at a time), etc.
similarly, if it feels like no one cares about me, if they only care about "ZOMGZ NEW MEMBER!!1!", then i'll hopskip into the void. if i feel ignored, i'm gone. if i feel like no one's putting in effort to talk/plot/acknowledge my presence, and i'm the one always putting in the effort, i'm gone. i'm not wasting my energy.
there have also been times where health has caused me to flake, and i mean both physical and mental health. back when i was in school, the combination of depression, anxiety, and anemia + heavy periods basically meant that once i was out of school, i was sleeping until dinner, and then i was awake for a few hours, and then i was asleep at like 2am and waking up at 8am for school the next day. i slept... a lot back when i was in school because i had so little energy for anything lmao
i've never been in a situation where real life has made me so busy that i forget about a site, but, honestly.......... valid. i've forgotten to do small things just bc i've been doing other things. it's so easy to forget things when you're distracted.
generally though, i join a site for more than just to roleplay - i join because i want to socialise. if i don't have muse, i want to be able to sit back and hang out with the other members and not be made to feel bad that i'm not posting. if i feel like all i'm allowed to do is post/plot, i'm gonna be salty and leave.
whether i actually flake or not depends on how integrated in the community i am. if i want to leave, then what i do depends on how integrated into the site i am. if it's barely, i'll flake. if it's very integrated, i'll tell someone or post a leaving note up on site. i want to be courteous and polite and not leave people hanging. but that's just me tbh.
I've only flaked a few times in my life and all of them have been for real life reasons. Now, as for quitting before fully joining, I don't really consider 'flaking' cause I never put in an app. Most of those have been purely, I got in and I thought I would like it but something rubbed me the wrong way.
As for real life, my aunt had cancer (RIP) and I started to distance myself from one of the sites I was in. I was on staff, and I really did try my best but I felt like I was missing out on plots, no one communicated with me, and I felt in a sense no one cared about my personal life and just wanted my characters and my name on the login page. I flaked pretty soon, becuase I just didn't feel it was right. Another time, it was because I was very sick with my chronic ailments and the staff was at first, very understanding, but I saw comments sometimes of just waiting until I dropped off to take my FC's or things like that. Just was a really bad line for me and I left. I don't really join other sites so my stories are very few cause I'm not a vocal member but I am very honest with staff if they ask. That's not always welcome.
Otherwise, I can't consider myself a 'flaker' but I understand real life more than anything else.
my bad habit of flaking is the reason why i'm taking a break from rping at the moment, to be completely honest.
real life and mental health have been my kryptonite in the past -- it takes a lot of motivation for me to sit down and do something involved like writing in my free time and when things IRL or in my head are bad (and they have been very very bad in the past) i just really ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ would rather not bother, i'll sleep for 18 hours and play skyrim the other 6 instead thank u. i'm very conscious of sitting on claims while not actually roleplaying so i have a bad habit of bouncing as soon as things start going bad.
social anxiety is a big issue for me. it's hard for me to make connections and if i'm not clicking with anyone on the site, i'll sometimes just drop everything and flake.
community can also be a factor. i've fortunately never had issues with hostile admins or communities, but i have been in groups where i just don't mesh. whether it's the average member age being significantly above or below me or just plain ol' social anxiety on my end, sometimes it's simply a bad fit.
loss of interest in my characters, in my threads, in my plots, in the community, in the site. not every site is for every member and i'm no exception.
all my proboards templates require the style tags plugin!
I'm going to change, one step at a time, even if you won't forgive me
I... I remember when I used to not flake. I will admit on some level I've become flaky - and looking at what makes me tick, I can see why. But here are the main reasons why I'll flake.
loss of muse is my absolutely biggest one. ( and linking it to this post which explains how I view muse... well. ) sometimes I just... can't bring myself up to do it. I tend to have an almost bi-polar - I said almost - tendency with things. I'll hit a huge productive manic phase, and end up doing only rp stuff for a while. and then it just shrivels up into a depression state, and I lose all muse and die off. the hardest part, is coming back from those cool sections - often times, the rp has moved on to the point that I feel out of place and disconnected. which is why I end up just... leaving. and all of this mostly happens without communication because I forget to let people know. more on that in the next thing
forgetfulness is my curse. I forget things, constantly. Part of it is because I'm so used to holding up a facade of strength, to let nobody know something is wrong with me that I just don't mention it, part of it is because I'm full of issues and oftentimes try to tackle whatever it is by myself and when it takes longer then expected I just don't say anything, and part of it is just I genuinely have a hard time keeping multi-focus. I tend to tunnel. If I'm in a manic phase, I tend to just do that thing and only that thing. I live, eat, breathe and sleep that thing. And when that one cools down, I just manic phase to something else. I'm currently trying to be more transparent about how I'm feeling, but that's easier said then done when most of my rp life I've been literally bashed, emotionally lashed out at, etc. for daring to show how I feel. that leads into my next thing!
health issues are a big thing. Luckily, my physical health is mostly ok for being seriously obese. so most of the time I'm ok physically. mentally and emotionally however, I'm a right mess. and if you combine that with the fact that I don't like to broadcast my problems, sometimes I'll just slip away to try and deal with my latest spiral of depression, anxiety or guilt. and often... it takes a while.
being ignored is my #1 not me factor. I realize I tend to be more reactive then proactive - social anxiety hello - but when I say hello and get ignored for 3 hours even as I'm posting messages during that time in the c-box, it's when I just fade out. I hate being ignored more then anything. I understand people are having conversations, but is it so hard to go just like 'hello!' when someone shows up? or to respond to them when they're contributing to your conversation? if I don't feel like people want me there, I just leave. I rp for fun, and getting ignored is not fun.
There's probably a bunch more, but those are the most important ones imo. mostly 3/4 me problems lbr. I honestly I just need people that are able to initiate conversations with me ( I've been burn out on seeking out people for a long time now, I used to do it constantly and now I just feel so dead inside when I try, pretty much in between people cussing me out for bothering them, not bothering to respond when I see they're talking in a chat I'm in, or my anxiety, let's just say it's not surprising that I have a hard time initiating anymore ) and to gently push me. not like hard push me, but keep my interest and focus alive or at least try to revive it when I'm back around? just friends that are ok with my anxious, dumb, stupid self.
Post by Clockwork Galaxy on Jul 10, 2018 22:50:38 GMT
Generally speaking, when I join a site - I stay there for years (or as long as the site is open). However, there have been a few sites over the many years I've RPed that I've left without saying goodbye, for the following reasons:
The Admins were cliquey/ jerks/ played favourites to the detriment of those who weren't their friends. I'll leave the moment I feel the staff are playing favourites, and/or operating double-standards for those who aren't their particular pals. And I won't feel the need to say 'goodbye' because I feel they've broken the basic tenant of politeness to their members so why should I demonstrate that, myself?
Depression sucked me down. When it hits, I have no energy for anything except curling up in bed, and waiting for sleep to take me. I'm definitely not writing anything. I can barely force myself to push on to work or school. It doesn't often hit me for long periods, but there was once where not even RPing could pull me out of it - or perhaps the site didn't have enough of my interest. It's hard to know for certain.
My character(s) being ignored or RPers were too busy to plot with me. I mean, I can't write with myself now, can I?
I think that's it, though. I mostly run my own, anymore, because I'm bloody tired of them dying underneath me so it's been a while, tbh.
18+ | Lax Activity Rules | LGBTQIA Friendly | Diverse | Welcoming | Friendly Staff | Intermediate to Advanced | 1 Year Old | Small Community | Many Open Canons & Wanteds
already a billion posts and i probably have no new thoughts to provide so i'll do mine quick.
my usual pattern in a site is to become attached to a few people and threads. most all else is secondary. for whatever reason, if those go away or do not manifest, i'm going to find it impossible to keep posting. the flipside is that i only really need maybe two people i like to be consistently posting with me in order for me to stay pretty much anywhere.
if i notice, particularly in a broad sense, that something which i am or believe in is thought of poorly, i'm not going to feel comfortable. i will leave. this has happened.
i live with depression. it will regularly immobilize me or cause me to prematurely give up on things that will, in a week or even a day, seem absurd to have given up on. this has also happened.
but yeah. just keep at least two good people. that's 80% of all i need. in the absence of that i'm probably out.
a different way to lose our time, a different way to lose our minds
so the crazy thing is, rp is like the one thing i DOn'T flake with? i mean, at least not if i have a plot i'm into. if i join a site and don't fit in or my ideas are ignored, then yea, bye. but i think that goes w/out saying for everyone unless ur a masochist. i spend a looong time scoping a site out before i join so i can try to avoid any flaking. the only reasons i've ever jumped ship are 1. being excluded 2. my rp partner didn't post for 3 months and i got tired of listening to say something on a loop (sometimes u just gotta let go) 3. little or no wifi access due to living situations that were out of my control
btw just got to say this thread actually feels really helpful. like it's good to see why people decide to leave so we can do better to prevent it from happening or just be more understanding of each other. me, i'm a crybaby who takes it rly personal when someone flakes, but this is a good reminder that sometimes life just happens and i should stop being a narcissist ✌
I rarely leave a board I join. It takes some time to consider what I'll gain and what I'll lose. Poor health has forced me out of staff positions, so an administrator will ultimately decide my trade-off. That typically isn't vexing.
An experienced gamer, I have found most role-players lose interest upon creating beautiful locales within several months. They cause us loyal members to question where and why. I am a victim of this horrific cycle, and it's odious.
My bodily health is what affects my stay--usually. I prefer a formal farewell in the appropriate area. At times, however, the staff team's behavior drives me away. I leave noiselessly. What happens to my character is their choice.
God has given me a fine memory. I don't forget names. Rather than harboring animus, I distance myself from them. So, if I sign up at a site, the staff can expect a life member. Presently, I am not on a venue. Nothing's simpatico.
I am a HUGE flaker and I used to feel super bad about it but not anymore because I realized I wasn't usually flaking on anybody. Now if I do it it's because something bad happened IRL
the MAIN reason I used to flake was that I was INCREDIBLY shy as a person. The only sites I joined were sites my best friends would join with me. One friend I would pester to join with me and we'd make characters that connected somehow. I was too shy to make other plots with my characters though and watching her have all of these threads with people generally made me sad and I would drift off the site. Or she would get busy with something IRL (she didn't take RP sites very seriously unless she was staff) and I would stop going on because she wasn't there anymore. The other roleplayed ALL OF THE TIME on lots of different sites and had lots of different friends. It was more of a "hey chee I joined this site, wanna join too??" Occasionally she would make a character that had a plot with mine, but usually I'd make a character and just kinda drift around the chatbox and make a few open threads. Rarely would people join because this was when cliques were SUPER heavy in the RP community, so I'd just flake off when I felt like I had been there long enough to say I tried. Essentially unless I had my safety blanket friends near me, I didn't exist on sites.
then a whole bunch of stupid stuff happened in my life and I no longer associate with the latter RP friend and did a lot of "ok but who am I who do I wanna be" and now I have the CONFIDENCE to join sites by myself and RP by myself and throw my characters onto plot pages - because now, the worst they can say is just No and that's totally ok!
Now that it's done and I'm older, I realize that while I was very shy and scared to plot with other people, the site itself was also not very welcoming as a community. I look back and notice other people trying to make plots and flaking out because the cliques that were around at the time just didn't RP outside of their friend groups. And that's ok, but IMO don't make a public site and advertise around if you aren't gonna include other people in it. I've been lurking on sites for the last few years without actually joining/RPing on them because of stuff, but I have noticed that it looks like it's gotten a lot better when it comes to making everyone feel included and the super tight gross cliquey sites aren't really there anymore (unless I'm just like hella not noticing them lmao)
Health issues is another one like a lot of people have mentioned. I was sickly as a kid but it didn't really effect me then because I was home schooled and had 0 responsibilties so the energy I did have could still go to RP. Now as an adult I have a full-time job and a house and a fiance and a puppy and a lot more to do than nothing. If I'm having a bad day all of my energy HAS to go to just existing in the real world and by time I get home all I can do is lay in bed and watch TV until I sleep. Most days are good but one bad day can cause a string of bad days where just doing my best barely gets me by. When this happens RP isn't on my mind and I usually don't even post an away message (bad habit on my part), so it seems like I just flaked off. Sadly that happened shortly after I joined the last site I was on and when I was alive again I came back and it was closed ):
confession time: i'm a huge flaker. like, a huge flaker.
i'm mildly embarrassed about it, to be honest, because it's the type of "giant flake" label that makes me feel compelled to lurk on resource sites instead of actually posting in fear that people will track me down and be like, "oh, yeah, that's the one girl who dropped six sites in like, a month." the longest time i've been on a site has been...a year and a half, i think? but, to be fair, i've only been rping for roughly about 2 years, with me just coming off of a one-year hiatus.
but. i digress.
to be honest, i don't join sites when i'm consciously interested in long-term committment, because it's genuinely something i don't think about when i first click on the link to lead me to a forum. when i see an interesting concept and decide that it's something that i think could be fun, i just sign up at the drop of a hat - often without any ideas for the setting (well, outside of the name i have to register an account with), and so it's not something that i divest my energy on focusing on. which isn't to say that i won't stay on sites, but it's just not something that i really focus on.
there are a couple of factors that make me drop sites. i think the first would have to be community, which people have mentioned before several times! i genuinely want to connect with people and feel like i'm not a burden, and getting that is tricky, since i'm an insecure, hormonal teen. it can be the simplest, stupidest things that make me feel unwelcome, like the way someone punctuates their sentences making me feel as if they're being passive-aggressive, or when i think someone doesn't like me because of the way that they structured a sentence. i don't leave immediately when that happens, but i tend to just grow quieter and quieter, and then just blip off the map entirely. I'M TRYING TO BE LESS SENSITIVE. ;w;
loss of interest usually happens, too! it's usually linked to threading etc. - if there aren't relationships or dynamics deeper than "oh, they're friendly acquaintances! that are...acquaintances!", there's just something in me that gets restless and i perform another disappearing manuver. it's the same thing with writing chemistry - if i don't have any threads that interest me or actually get my interest, i'll just put off replying, put off replying, and then eventually forget about the thread and the board until it's two months later and i'm too embarrassed to show my face ever again on the board.
also, new interests. i'm going to be real and say that i'm only really into a few things at a time, so as soon as i glimpse a new, fascinating concept, i'll hone onto it and slowly grow more and more tired of the site i'm on's concept. there are some exceptions, of course (again!) but my attention is fickle and i will inevitably be intrigued by a newer, cooler concept and abort. h-haha.