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will i get kill if i double post in this thread? yeet im do it anyways
i've actually grown to be pretty uncomfortable rping. like, in general.
i don't really know how this happened. i don't think i changed that much, and i don't think my environment changed all that much. maybe i just took notice of what was always there. i just really hate feeling like i'm forcing characters, or ideas on people. my actual interests are largely in playing really fucked up characters. not like, "i have daddy issues", characters - get outta town, - like, "i may look normal, but i long for nothing more than to dig one of your eyeballs out of your skull and eat it in front of you" fucked up. that, or to really be involved with the ongoing political tension of a scenario. it always feels like even the most ostensibly political rps are really just backdrops for fluff romance. had a dime for every one of those, i could buy... i dunno. a nice book, i guess.
i feel like those sorts of things are all people are really looking for. that, or a snarky sibling maybe. and i just don't care to provide those things. i mean, i do appreciate a good romance plot, but those don't come along every tuesday. and i mean, i get it. people don't want their characters to be killed etc., whether by other players or events. but i really do. i want a single wrong move to leave my character lying in an alley with a bullet in the back of their head.
so what am i doing trying to foist such plots on people who signed up for coffee dates and love triangles? embarrassing myself, primarily.
i dunno. i'm probably overthinking shit. just felt the need to write this out.
these are definitely hard to find these days. idk if our niche is small but i definitely feel you. not so much the i wanna KILL KILL KILL thing but the political tension that can happen in RP. bunch of council members as canon? u best bet i'm going to thread w/ every single person on site under our affiliation and try to win them over. then when i oust ur ass I'LL BECOME DICTATOR BY POPULAR VOTE (just because i threaded and connected / persuaded other characters). only problem is that to do that i have to pigeon hole myself to a certain archetype and go from there. yespls. I struggle with this myself a lot too- I'm not really here for fluff I'm here for a story. Sometimes the story is happy and fluffy if that's what I want but not always. I have characters I play in multiple different ways and some variants are specifically designed for an unsavory end. Even when i find a site that's supposed to be about that kind of thing it never feels like i can comfortably play it out.... sometimes i feel like i need to put a wanted ad out not for characters- but for like minded rpers
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