I've been feeling this pretty hard, so I played MMOs with some of my members because they've been too tired to do any posting. It helped quite a bit. <3

I know it is hard but stick to it if you love it <3 I know it is hard to listen to reason though when those negative thoughts start to sink in. I've been there <3

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i feel a ridiculously obsessive need to tweak the site's skin because I feel people won't stay because it doesn't have certain images in certain places and stuff like that

i also feel bad because another site in my fandom is using the skin i really really want to use

damn u

1. i used to not mind advertising until a bunch of sites (usually animal or medieval rl sites on weird hosts) would force me to jump through hoops to link back and do dumb shit like log-in on a guest account or w/e. 

2. tbh i'd end up deleting these ads from our site rather than dealing with this bs and i'm not even remotely sorry.

3. sometimes i would see apps so bad in the notifications thread that i would pretend to not see them until another staff member deals with it.

4. i'm always appearing offline on my staff account so i can multi-edit my 500 wip apps in peace, don't @ me.

I just did my first ad spree in a long time and I feel kind of bad about it. Not that I did the ad spree, but that it had been a long time since I did one

I might be a little pushy? Overly inclusive? I don't know how to explain, bend over backwards to say hello and ask what the person wishes to do with a character. I have this internal fear if I just left people alone they'll be scared of me or I show favoritism for older members? But THEN I worry maybe I'm talking too much, responding too fast, "desperate" I don't know... Just overall fear I kill sites when I join them, because I respond so fast and talk paragraphs of nonsense.

I've gotten my users to use Pepe Ok Hand and I don't think they know it's a dank meme

My girlfriend, who's on my site, is mad cause someone else is doing a goat-person (her OC). Can't seem to convince her it's fine as long as there are some differences.

sigh

Confession that kinda piggybacks on this: I'm in the process of building a site and I have this overwhelming feeling that I'm just trying way too hard. I want to make the world and the lore awesome and attractive to people so that it doesn't end up to be a massive flop, but at the same time I'm worried that I'm just including too much.

Second confession: I almost constantly find myself feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing, even as staff for another site. I hate it.

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i think honestly the thing i miss most about being a member instead of being a staffer is being allowed to make mistakes.

as a staffer, i feel like it's my job to behave as responsibly as possible at all times and if i make even a single little mistake, especially on resource communities, it's going to be something that sticks around and doesn't only negatively affects me but also affects the site as well. because people talk, reps travel, and all it takes is one bad thing to completely ruin your rep (and thus drag your site down by proxy) for months to years to come.

it's the worst since i end up second-guessing a lot of the decisions i make (especially hard or messy ones) and i always feel so self-conscious existing in a lot of public spaces talking about certain subjects since i just don't want my sites to be punished because i worded something wrong or something's been taken out of context or i've made an honest to goodness actual mistake that the internet chooses to remember long after i'd made it and tried to make amends or otherwise move on from it.