mother mother putting out a song that is perfectly timed for a cathartic binge session. every time i need MM they drop a banger that hits just right.

I've coded so much in the last 2 days that 1) I can't see and 2) I could probably code a whole skin now

Anxiety thing nobody tells you about:

Every now and then, despite breathing completely normally, you'll just do the biggest exhale of your life out of nowhere and it feels awful every time ; u ;

I spotted a small pattern on my shower curtain that looks like a Boob and now I am happy.

There's always those weird times in life when you realise you've just drifted from someone and sometimes you don't even understand why. Distance, time, personalities, etc. Life is a lot of small melancholies.

mr landlord i asked you for the drill at 2pm its now 7:30pm and my bed is still covered in wood i need to drill do you realise its too late to do DIY without pissing the neighbours off now.

/ hides my 20+ codepen mockups

about a month ago i bought a new snake home (wildtype royal python) and i was expecting him to be so skittish and stressy but he's. so chill. i can handle him every day and he doesn't get stressed at all...what a good boy...

when you fight for your place, then realise you're now too tired to keep it.

My favourite feelings in tandem:

profoundly alone and profoundly low.

it's an angry kind of day man

it's always funny that i go through phases of brief, intense interest, and that i always end up coming out with a strange and unexpected new way of understanding people.

right now i'm watching many documentaries on mountaineering (matterhorn, annapurna, everest, k2) and one of the climbers on one expedition said something along the lines of;

'mountaineering is very much about the team, and simultaneously composed of highly ambitious individuals, in a scenario in which they need each other to succeed, but knowing only a handful will have the opportunity to summit.'

and i realised that so many people are like that, irl and in rp. you need a team to be effective and to make things happen. and yet, only so many can be the star, and in a lot of cases the team is built to sustain the elevation of a single person/character and achieve their goals. many are left in the support role because it's either that...or not be there at all.

there are highly ambitious people with great need for individual success who will invite you into what seems to be a group effort and cultivate just enough of a 'group' to keep people there - but its not actually about the group. the group benefits, but never as much as the person getting it all together. and its not even a bad thing. you just have to ask yourself if that's someone you want to be around.

some people are very much like mountaineers. they know who they need to succeed - but its for their success, not for the teams. but the opportunity the provide is simply not one you can turn down if you have no alternative.

everything giving me bad vibes lately, even my new animal friend. i just need something to break the tension that's building up man.