Post by Ginger on Nov 27, 2020 3:33:38 GMT
I am reaching out to you, to tell you... I have for a very very long time wished, desired, lusted to write this letter to you. How I wanted to thank you for every experience I can recall in this World you have created. You have taught me how to write, better understand people, How to Code, How.. I have watched the Evolution of Graphic design through your Creation.
I do not.. Okay I regret Some... Days I have spent with you. However Roleplay I am writing to let you know, I am walking away. This is my Life's Resignation, you no longer own me.. I love you, Roleplay. I owe you much, such as these points I have on this account, must be spent toward others... The knowledge gained to be shared... In the next coming months.. maybe a year.. I'll give them, make them all publicly available. Break away from my fears of sharing all my creations, as broken they are.
Thank you, for all the people I've met. All these glorious experiences.
~~~ Love Ginger, Finally Freed too.
Long TRUE Incoherent Letter to Roleplay.
WARNING IF READING THIS VERSION: Writer switched from I to Ginger more than once, back and
forth. How this individual viewed themselves and the past. Also
mentioned.. VERY VERY VERY VERY unnecessary written thing.
forth. How this individual viewed themselves and the past. Also
mentioned.. VERY VERY VERY VERY unnecessary written thing.
I've been wanting to write this to you for such a long a time, but I always hesitated. I'd be sitting there at work all my thoughts coming to this letter, thinking of you, and everything you've done for me... For many people out there, how you really pulled through in the old days, bringing many stories and people behind those stories together.
I first met you, **slight chuckle here**, back when I was 12 a literal couple weeks before turning 13. I remember this so clearly because I lied to Proboards saying I was 13, and was so upset I had to lie.. Cause my birthday was Right around the corner, like right there, if I'd just joined that Warrior Cat site Three weeks later.. It'd been well legal, lol.
My first introduction to you was a Pokemon catching site, I'd knew of Forums on neopets, but they intimidated me. I kinda just played the game, to play the game. Then I met you.. My First Official Roleplay character and thread, Selena005 was **another chuckle** was that said character. She was ironically redhead with a blue suite, Pure chance or Perhaps my Memory lies. The uhh thread.. Moved too fast, I didn't like the format, but I loved the people. The posts? Well only 5 words, maybe 2 sentences. I wasn't very good at reading or writing when first starting.
The first Proboards forum I joined was "Into The Wild", I don't feel like looking up the link since.. Well.. I actually didn't make a Bio like I was suppose to. In fact, I just popped into a thread and completely broke all the rules. The Goodnews, the Two users who were online the same night I attempted this first thing were super cool, they instead invited me to their Forum just Made that week. Funny how a character's journey is started, Eh Rp?
Their Warrior Cat Rp was Called Elemental Clans , Goodnews I learned the Absolute basics of biomaking and roleplay. I at some point, lol, was banned for terrible Grammar. Don't worry the one who banned me, I grew extremely close to, we still once a while talk together. The person became a Sign-language English Teacher, Guess they were the best person to ban me. Thanks to that person, and getting banned, I'd gradually Respectfully learned Grammar. No, my Grammar is not the best, But Hey.. Its better than it used to be.
From there The admin moved on to deal with School things, The Co-admin made this site "Mutators". I really don't remember much about this site, in fact I'd forgotten it existed till one day I was coming across old sites. From there I'd discovered many sites... Sites... I have Long Lost the Site links to, Those early years I'd made these 2 sites.. One I'd deleted but it was essentially Warriors and Redwall combined into a World where All animals interacted and protected areas. It was poorly built with only default things. After that it was This site, based on a novel idea I had for years but feared somebody stealing the idea so evolved it to be set in an apocalyptic future. As you can see Roleplay, I was bit of an asshole during those early years.. Too paranoid for my own good, too Immature believing I was Mature, and just a complete foolish person. Though the threads were fun, enjoyed the time travels and tactic royal antics.
Oh Roleplay, how I wish you'd link me to every single roleplay I'd ever joined.. How i was a full backing up All those Bios, but never once the Site Links.. I can only tell you story after story that I had experienced. Such as that one time I'd probably been called been troll and banned forever from this one Pokemon site. It was a great Pokemon site, set by the sea... See I made this bio, and the staff told me I needed to do 2k Character Count. At the time, Way back in the day.. Had no idea what a Character Count even was.. So the Asshole I was back then, I legit ended up writing a 2k Word Count History in Response. Do note, I was too shy to ask what a "character Count" was... And Admins.. Greatly Intimidated me, more on that later. These are after all early days of a foolish novice user.
So.. Why this 2k Wordcount history Probably earned me the Title of troll? Well... I didn't exactly know how to write a History to be 2k Quite yet, unfortunately no awesome character depth for Early Age of Ginger. The whole thing was a step-by-step process of how to brush Teeth, Getting Ready for School, and step-by-step process of Early Morning. This.. at the time was Genius to me, got the count. And Can finally join this site be part of an awesome plot. First True Pokemon plot, but no. The next day the bio and account was completely deleted, removed. I was devastated... Confused.. and condemning myself for the over-lengthy Teeth brushing details. But... Roleplay, I was too shy.. To speak up, to ask, so I just left. Joined another site, after all there are plenty of Roleplays.. There is bound one to call home.
One Christmas as a prank, I decided to be a Christmas Spammer, maybe troll? See at the time.. There were tons of Trolls and spammers out to harm site. I.. wanted to be unique original, so I did Happy Holiday trolling on every single site I could link to. It was the Early ages of advertising. Link after Link I jumped onto Chatbox after chatbox wishing Random people happy holidays. I can't recall, Roleplay, what I said.. but It was suppose to be an Annual thing, I disguised myself so nobody would know it was me. Then just do it every year. Unfortunately I only managed to do it for 2 years. Turns out life gets too busy, and I wasn't a very good troll, preferring to talk in chats than jumping site to site. Plus side, probably made several Sites night. Though did wish to be a Legend "That Holiday Troll". I know Roleplay, that's not the true definition of a troll.. But being an actual Troll sounded awful, ;p.
At some point I joined a Teen titans Site, I do not know the site name or have the link anymore... But I do know one of the staff on that site now runs a Sailor Moon site, has been for years its just 5 members on that sailor moon site. If I wasn't such a snob, I'd probably could've joined it been part of the team.. Ahh, nah I wouldn't fit in. Funny thing Roleplay, its hard to fit into older roleplays then newer ones... Then.. Funnier thing, newer ones always fade out. The person who I roleplayed with on this Teen Titan Site, I controlled the guy that turned into a kitty upon getting a quick heart rate. I miss our late night jokes and conversations.
Then there was this site.. I think it was another Pokemon site? Maybe it was a different site? Either way... The site was fun for the first two months, then something happened.. I left the site.. Only to be asked by a friend to go back and check it out. The site itself was apparently hacked, the Admin made this individual upset. So the Hacker took over the whole site, Redid everything then left a Letter to that admin to Never. Ever. Betray this person Ever again. It was a sad story, but fascinating to little Ol' Ginger. She... unfortunately too the whole experience and began writing her Admin Users "at risk" with 42 Character passwords, fear of ending up in that same situation..... And that's where this next paragraph comes into play, see.. Remember during this period of our story Ginger is a Manipulative asshole, okay maybe she is still manipulative tries not to be.
Once Upon a time Ginger had been a guest jumping site to site.. trying to find something that just stuck out to her, see this is where all her problems always laid. No Roleplay was ever Good enough for her, she feared in joining and being burned as a "Jumper" thus never joined sites. Why.. She even took on False name "Lurker" and would spam Admins Question after Question about their site to "Test" this admin.
logically You Never Join a site, Never Reveal yourself, Not be marked a Jumper Never happy with the results with the Admin responses, none were clear or had clear idea of how to keep their site alive. Either way... one day she was Just sick of it.. She was alone, didn't have a real group to cling to.. But Groups always keep a roleplay alive. So, she'd Find a leader of a group.. Trick this Leader, get them to make a site, a site She and This Leader Run together. oh.. boy. And She Did.
It was a Warrior Cat Roleplay, slightly failing it had a xat.com chatbox, the Admin... Maybe a Co-admin? Was online, along with 3 People. Ginger started the conversation as a guest, no she never hid her name.. After all, she felt people didn't like her they'd avoid her, more on that later. Ginger started to ask question after question. Her usual placing admins to the 'test', but.. this time they were twisted questions.. Getting the person to think, plot, create ideas. With these questions Ginger convinced the admin to make a whole site with her, oh.. Not a warrior cat site, after all that site still needed to exist without competition. It was a Modern Mutant themed site, the thing about it is she made the skin, plot, and boards. But required the person, her target to make the Admin account and be the Main "admin". Thus this person's friends would join, and the two of them partner up accepting bios. The site itself was rather active, and as I can recall constantly had things happening. Although one week I went inactive, and the Admin broke the site skin and didn't know how to fix it. So Another site was made, and this site was grown active.. Remember how manipulative Ginger was? See she an evil schemer made a new account, a New Member.. Who played a New member, and had New Member group. The thing? This New Member Group was actually Staff, so that even if the one who owned the admin account deleted everything.. Remember Ginger is Paranoid she made everything here, but had the Victim run the site.
Well.. A fight broke out, mostly over 'whose site it was', perhaps the admin realized the truth? that Ginger was controlling things. Thus her account was Deleted, the Forum skin Completely deleted. With the Text. "hahaha" , the link is above but being converted into Proboards V5 erased the "Hahaha..." Stuff on the site.
Ginger had recovered the Old Original site, recovering fixing the Site Skin code breakage. The site lived for a couple more months, gaining couple more members, but History is Haunting.. Lurking.. Eventualy site died, and eventually Ginger deleted it as with many of her other sites. She at the time believe deleting sites would free the Site-links and Server space for future site Creators, and saw keeping sites as a crime. Unfortunately, she learned later deleting sites did no thing. All it did was break hearts.
thus a few more sites were joined, no links to any of these either all deleted. One was a Vampire highschool site, Another.... Drawing blanks... many Blanks.. So many lost memories.. There was this deathnote site, one kingdom hearts site... I can't recall anything from 2010-11...
There was this forum, ever New years Eve I'd pop on to Wish everyone a new Years Eve. It wasn't a Roleplay Forum, it was an advertising storage forum, the Early Version of gagnam Style, Wicked wonderland, and Pixel perfect. The staff was somebody who gave people advice both personal and forum creating. I mainly remember this site for 2 Reasons. 1. It was always fun to pop in during New Years Eve, no matter how horrible my Real life was going on. That count down, with 2 people in a chat.. was just fun. 2. The Skin was Night and Day, I think the Default even changed Night and Day.. Then you could manually pick it you could decide to keep the skin lighter or Darker. Such a Normality Now, was such a Cool unique gimmick back then. I loved the site creator for having that choice available to members.
I used to be so desperate to roleplay with somebody, anybody. I'd contacted an old friend, one who I later regretted contacting a second time. But that doesn't matter, this specific friend, was banned from proboards and forums at home and blocked at school. In my desperate desire actually learned how to create proxies, taught this user how to use proxies, just to be able to talk to them on forums. Write stories with them, course' life is funny.. Something happened they couldn't get online, not for years later after we reconnected again in their adulthood.
The last Warrior cat Roleplay I'd ever joined was Golden Age, actually were I first met Leap and some other cool people. Tables were just beginning to pick up. Lol, I was so stupidly obsessed with making images repeating in a perfect loop that didn't cause pixelation. The whole thing frustrated me to the point I'd flat out swear Tables would die out, and I swore never to learn how to code them. How I laugh at my younger self, who had no idea she'd end up Making Full Blow skins, recoding things to work in a different manner. Just... Without Roleplay, how I'd never learned how to create Codes.. Unlock a Whole New World of Languages, something if I was just a little bit better may have gotten somewhere. It feels in some twisted way I feel like I owe Roleplay to teach New Roleplayers... New People to this world how to make their own graphics, how to write better, and just wish to share all the choices... Pains.. Stories to them. How greedy, foolish, and just selfish it feels when reaching out. Long Story Short... Thanks Cheshire, That was a great Roleplay.
.... Cookie, I miss you.
Mm.. I did join this one warrior Cat Roleplay, it ran for years, I left it after the first year. At some point I'd secretly pop-in to see what was going on the site. At one point the Admin was kidnapped, was a Super Cool plot, almost made me regret leaving ;-;. I think at some point there was this Dog Revolution? I don't know.. Just know.. The admin was super cool, site might've been cliquey.. but was fun, then to me all Roleplays are fun. roleplay experience was hardly ever actually bad...
At some point I'd stop hunting for sites, and just check out Gangnam Style to see what projects other admins were working on. i didn't really join many sites, still held that fear of being labeled a "jumper".. it was essentially a black dark word for both admins and members, a blacklist.. A rude terrible blacklist that probably very core reason a lot of people left, they just could never fit in.. or worst mistreated by admins who knew them. Never giving them a chance to grow up, then some never did.
So.. Gangnam Style, the place to be if you knew admins or everyone to know everyone. I loved the games, viewing myself just the simple member coming and going talking to everyone, enjoying all the admin news from different sites with different problems. I loved how the members choose to be in their own group and earned points in that group. Especially loved messing with Sifr and Kuroya during this time period, it was just.. entertaining. There was this conversation with Sifr one day, about how old Sifr was.. I was what.. 7?5? years younger than Sifr... Side-thought of how Sifr always had a Cane, and called all the "youngin's" jokes was great. Made me wanted to pick it up when I was her age. But... There.. is an important thing here too.. Sifr retired, I think, and really.. when I was talking to her back then. I'd thought I would move on from Roleplay.. I never ever wanted to be.. here this day.. at the age of 27, still desperately trying to roleplay with people. It.. It.. Just.. I never thought I'd be that person. I was in college and trying to stay away from the Deadly Sins of Roleplays. Oh Roleplay, if only you could understand such an addictive substance you are. How you taught me so much, how you brought people together.. Improving Each other Forming a Community. Just, I didn't want to be here.. With you.. at 27, just this. was not meant.. not suppose to be. Part of Why, I Must. Have To step away. Take this Freedom from my Family, to become addicted to Video games and Gardening.. Scaping. Science research clearly. Hell... Maybe Stepping away from Roleplay will allow me to get the courage to Volunteer... The very Core thing I always wanted to do as an adult. After this Retirement Letter, i should get My self an Old Lady Icon and a cane to wake Youngin's with. Like anyone below the age of 23. Maybe talk about how the "90's" were better.... lol yeah. no, I won't go there be depression.
Then.. Just like everything.. People move on, People got lives, grew up... Wicked Wonderland was created... Soon after pixel perfect, when will the next site pop up next? In all honesty... forgot Wicked Wonderland existed...... totally an oops. Which... Speaking of Pixel Perfect, I have all these points... Originally I planned to take over the advertising board with my Greatest Creation ever, but... I've never ever even got the courage to advertise a Single Site I've made on here.. In fear of upsetting somebody, doing it wrong, or simply attracting the wrong people. There is also this core fear that nobody would join from the site, and it just made me step away from using a Resource site.. as well a Resource. Rather advertising 500 useless plugs.
mm... I did one day.. Make a Cheese King account on Gangnam Style, just so I could do Cheese puns all day. I should do that for christmas.. Just join a random site, as Saint Nick, and post there... chat with puns. Nobody know who I am.. just bring a little new light for the month. no. Ginger. No. Focus, you're walking away from all of this. Roleplay, listen you will not TRICK ME.. Into STAYING. No, I will be Stepping back. I will not tell my friends on Discord. I will just Publicly post here as a COMPLETE DECLARATION, and NEVER Look back. You DO NOT OWN ME. YOU Helped MADE ME, but even One Made From your Soothing Words and protection of people... DOES NOT OWN ME.
Its 9pm... I should quickly end this letter to you, oh Roleplay. So I guess... Just.. Know. I've made Sites of Dark magical Girls, Digimon: the setting new server, DC/Marvel Crossover , Gravity Falls OC [that site actually lasted me 3 years, though Shattered a friendship for me sharply forever.... Had Hell of A Great Damn Time. Higher you Go Harder you FALL... When you Fall You Lose those with you.. but Earn A newer better Friendship], Kingdom hearts [that was short... life got in the way.. RIP.], and Last uttermost greatest failure Maturing Company. Running sites was the most fun of this roleplay adventure, seeing everyone's stories.. bios.. And updating all those stat numbers.. ugh.... You do not understand Roleplay, how much I LOVED to See a Site Pick up.. To update Everything.. People complain to me about updating all these different things, and how much work it is to just...Do admin stuff, and that was the most ufn part of the job. I loved making sites Staff work heavy, because I loved the work. It made me feel like the site was accomplishing things, prevented that.. paranoia.. that.. depression.. that fear of failure from knocking in. Sure probably didn't advertise as much as I could have, but just...... it was fun. Being overwhelmed is fun. Stupidly a hard things to achieve. At least work, helps. Almost wish Admins would just ask me to join their sites just to do their Statistics, census, and help run events. mmm... Sigh. then that admin would leave you, and quit. Funny. Roleplay. Impeccable cycle.
Other Roleplays... I'd join, so many. Many I have think extremely hard to recal.. but here a the few I still have site links to that still exist not in maintence mode.. or i've delete accounts after taking the bios. or simply rp themselves deleted.
Halation loved the task set-up, loved the battle system, loved the staff running the few events that existed. Sad the site didn't pick up, wish I had a magic wand to make this site successful.. But life is life. The story was nice.
Kh: Destinies Fun blast, the whole place was completely choatic, and was awesome. The best part of this place was simply the fact it had the KH setting but with Original Characters.. and the members did it well. My best memories of this place is sitting in my Mom's surgery room at 5am in the morning in a chat box.. Luckily somebody was online to talk to. Other moments was as my sister was getting this dress done.. and they were my moment escape from the craziness of my sister's highschool life. Bye.
LOZ: Rhapsody of a goddess: It was simple roleplay, a great last Legend of Zelda roleplay. Just nice. I think the site had a Ganandorf that was a redhead teenager, and I loved.. Every moment of it.
..... Did I mention, Roleplay, don't join sites due to fear of being blacklisted. There was a lot of fears I had.... but all for good reasons. Posting this thread makes me wonder if its the nail in coffin of a blacklist. then. That might be a good thing, Swearing to never come back. Its best not to come back. Yep. I would, Roleplay, tell you about all the people who influenced me... That I remember.. but I fear I'd say some things that would make those people upset or end up getting twisted into depressive stats for such individuals.. so I'll say the vague thing instead. Thank YOU, everyone who talked to me. Everyone who Took the Time to talk ideas, plots, ideas with me. That, meant Everything to the world to me. Your Time. Your Passion Roleplay.