there are two separate situations there.

if someone is 'flirting' with someone else and it's unwanted, it quickly becomes harassment. that's pretty cut and dry to deal with. if it doesn't stop, you put a stop to it, using the means at your disposal as a staff member.

if it's two people flirting making other people uncomfortable, that's way different. in my experience, what usually happens is that the closer friends of these people don't mind it so much, and it's only the people who don't know/aren't so fond of those involved who grumble (often where it can't be seen.) still, it can have a negative impact on a public space. it's hard to really pin this as an offense, you can't really formally warn people for being a bit too friendly, but it should probably be discussed with one of the or both parties involved not as against the rules per se, but as socially inappropriate behaviour that oughtn't be practiced in public chatboxes.

even people who aren't usually so cooperative tend to understand this message in this specific case, i've found. i suppose it's only if this more-or-less harmless behaviour persists through multiple talkings-to that you might have to look towards actual punishments, but if there are actually people who have that mutual affection for each other that aren't willing to keep it a bit more private, i haven't encountered them.

This is actually a really interesting discussion. I can't say I see a whole lot of it, but the times that I do, it tends to get exhausting.

Don't get me wrong, there's people I'll joke around with, or sometimes I'll make a silly remark at a member whom I'm becoming acquainted with. But I tend to do it in a lighthearted, joking fashion: a sort of way to invite people to feel comfortable and involved. But that never exceeds any more than a message or two at max. Think of it as playful banter, if you will. (I only really do this around people that give off a vibe that they're fine with joking around. I wouldn't go up to a more to-themselves member and be like "are you from Tennessee? cuz you're the only 10 I see *wink*" It all just revolves around time and place.) Even so, if the person is put off by the comment, I'll happily offer an apology.

Members as a whole though, there have been a few instances in my experience. Usually the flirting floods the chat until one or both disappear, we let the conversation die, and then get back to our normal chatting. Sort of like an eyeroll and "anyway......" But the flirting was (usually) of mutual consent, meaning they were already in a relationship. There has been about one time I've seen a person flirt with folks in the chat and it was pretty awkward cause the target would more often than not disappear. I don't want to drop any names because that's not really my thing.

What it boils down to is: respect the public setting of a chat and respect peoples' boundaries. Some people aren't comfortable with being flirted with, others are probably in a relationship irl, and then there's some who don't believe in online romantic relationships. On top of that, public chats are, well, public. It not only reflects on you, but it reflects on the site as a whole, giving the impression that the staff is fine with something like that happening.

Think of it this way: would you tell a forum cbox something like "brb gotta poop"? I mean I would, but that's mostly just for shits and giggles. If your answer is no, then you definitely shouldn't be making an attempt to flirt.

We're all sort of here for the same reason. If you're out looking for love, I don't know, try a dating site. I mean Christian Mingle's got some saintly singles.

I've only come across this once where this person flirted with anyone they thought was female, even though it was clearly unappreciated by said recipients. I don't remember how it was handled or if it even was.

Aside from that, I've never seen two people genuinely flirt back and forth in the chat and dominate the chat with coupledom. Sometimes I or another person dominate the chat, but it's usually during quiet times that this happens but it's never been genuine flirtations, more like teasing/bantering/casual chatter etc. I have had people take jokes way too far, though, for other peoples' comfort & potentially our rules which were addressed.

I think, over all, if it was getting to be inappropriate/uncomfortable (even for you as the admin) regardless f context, then handle it like anything else. I think you did the right thing.

^^^ This is honestly how I feel about this. All I'd on to this particular point is also that if you're actively flirting with someone you're in a relationship with in a public space where other people are trying to talk to one another/be in the conversation, it's just not cool. Go talk to each other in your own private chat. I've RP'D with a boyfriend before and while we'd flirt a little in chat, it was nothing more than playful banter you'd do with your friends that you knew and nothing more than a few lines. Taking over a cbox or discord is disrespectful to everyone else there. Take it to a personal chat. Even now, I'll be in raids/game groups that include my fiance where we're in a public space with other people - if I wanna say something to him not game-related or flirt, it's done in whispers. It's disrespectful to insert your relationship into places it doesn't belong.


AS FOR the original post. I have actually dealt with this as the person who was getting flirted with and made it clear that it was not reciprocated and not welcome. I think it is DEFINITELY defined as harassment and I think you handled it well and appropriately. I think if it happens again, a temporary ban from the server is perfectly acceptable.

In my case, we had met on the site and did most of our talking on the site's cbox. He added me on MSN (wow im really dating myself here) and his conversations started to get more flirty and unwanted. I told him no/this is unwanted any time he would say anything too flirty or inappropriate to me and it continued to happen multiple times. I started ghosting him in private chats because of it. He started talking like that into the site cbox whenever I was around and one day the head admin happened to be there. She saw me say something like "please don't talk to me like that" or "you're making me uncomfortable". She immediately hopped in and said something like "this is not appropriate behavior. you did this even after she said this. do it again and I'll have to issue you a temporary ban." She also then IMMEDIATELY followed up with me on MSN to ask me if this was a common occurrence and check to make sure I felt ok. She wanted to know how often he was bothering me, what kinds of things he was saying, and to please let her know if it happened again. Apparently, he had been bugging other female members on the site too and making them uncomfortable. So it's not always people not knowing "how to read a room". It can definitely happen intentionally and I think to treat it that way after a first warning is entirely within rights as an admin. Your site is supposed to be a safe space for people to be in and your discord server or cbox is an extension of that. If a member is being "flirted" with and doesn't want it and makes that clear, I feel like it is the responsibility of the staff team to help fix th situation. Sure, the person can try to fix it privately - but if they've already made it clear it's unwanted in public the situation probably isn't gonna change in a private chat - and they can also block them (which isn't available in things like shoutboxes or cboxes). But that person will still be there and around and just their presence can start making people uncomfortable if the behavior isn't checked.