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[attr="class","ayab-lyrics"]02. clean slate
[attr="class","ayab-tagged"]you don’t remember me, but i remember you.
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[attr="class","ayab-lyrics"]venerable queen
[attr="class","ayab-tagged"]writing relay
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They spent Nina’s ninth birthday in their new home—a tiny cottage, which neighbored a field of sunflowers. Never before did they have farmers as neighbors. And never did they expect that farmers would ever be the proud owners of a field of sunflowers. The farmer’s wife offered to take their photo, so that she could send it to Nina’s grandmother, her mother, who could never believe such a thing. [break][break]
– Does it make them money?[break][break]
Her mother asked, incredulously. She lived halfway across the world, so their calls never lasted for very long before her mother had to sleep, and she had to go to work.[break][break]
– Well, I can’t really ask them that, mama. [break][break]
She laughs, and looks out at Nina, who was sitting on the balcony, looking out at the sunflowers. She did ask the farmers about the sunflowers, when they invited her and Nina over for an afternoon snack. Not about whether it made them money, but why they had decided on sunflowers, because it seemed so strange. Oh yes, the sunflowers. They sprouted up out of nowhere, actually. And over time, with some care, a dozen stray sunflowers bloomed into several dozen, and from those, an entire field. Bright, golden flowers, all facing the sun, all summer long. It was a strange and sudden development, but one that they welcomed openly. There is no greater feeling in the world, you know, taking care of something, and watching it grow. And the stray cats did like them quite a lot, the farmer added. They were very good at catching mice, so he and his wife were happy to have them as well. [break][break]
Nina listened attentively, cradling a pair of kittens in her lap. [break][break]
– I just hope that Nina is happy.[break][break]
Nina was a transient, in every sense of the word. People never seemed to know what to do with her, and she never spoke, which made her even more removed from the world of the living than she already was. Her homeroom instructor—a young, nervous woman—had described Nina’s silence as reproachful, a sort of unwillingness to communicate. For Nina performed well in school, otherwise. Which meant that any perceived flaw in her behavior was perceived as intentional, or parental. [break][break]
But the cats never seemed to mind Nina’s quiet. They loved her daughter, in fact, and Nina seemed to love them just as well. She thought that there was only one or two, at first, until five differently-colored cats would follow Nina home in the evenings, and sit alongside her on the balcony, facing the sunflowers. [break][break]
– Of course she’s happy, darling! There is not a child in the world who wouldn’t be happy in the sun, with lots of fresh air. [break][break]
That was very true. Nina was spending a lot more time outside, now that they were settled. Her complexion had grown darker, and her cheeks and shoulders had grown more freckles. She was still the same quiet, unspeaking child, but there was a peace in her quiet that wasn’t present before. These days, when she put Nina to bed, she found that her daughter had grown more affectionate as well. She was hugging more, and she touched her mother’s hands, stroking the backs of them with a surprising tenderness. She laughed when Nina had done it the first time. Where did you learn such a thing? And Nina’s response was simply a tranquil smile, a gentle look. The cats, perhaps. She was certain that Nina was speaking to them, because she would sometimes catch a glimpse of Nina sitting outside with her head bowed towards the little group of cats that sat around her legs. The softness of her hands against their warm bodies, which rest on top of her thighs, sometimes even on her little belly. [break][break]
— Perhaps you’re right, mama. You should visit us some time, so that you can see the cats.[break][break]
— Cats! Your cats?[break][break]
It’s hard to explain to her mother, that the cats belonged more to Nina than herself. Mama, you’d never believe it. She has to peer out the window, because she doesn’t believe it either, sometimes. Nina with her saucers of cat food, held high over her curly head, while a veritable army of cats would dash across the grass and crowd around her feet. She’s like a little queen, mama. The venerable queen of the stray sunflower cats. The sun casts a little halo over the dark of her hair, which makes it look like she’s wearing a crown. And when she bends down to serve the cats their meal, she looks almost regal, so self-possessed and perfectly composed in her movements, as if she had always been meant for them.
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