hi hello this is really freaking awkward. and i know it's gonna be a bit messy but please bear with me. there's a point to this i swear. and uh. i don't even know if this is the right area, since it's not really a want ad but i'm really looking for someone and there's no area for a buddy search. and i'm really starting to get desperate
hence why this is now a thing in the first place. so uh. yeah.
right now i'm struggling a bit with one of the sites i'm on,
chaos theory. like don't get me wrong, i love the place a lot and i've been with them for a really long time and i'm not really thinking about leaving or whatever, and oh gods, i by no means intend for this to seem like i'm throwing shade because honestly, it's not meant to be, the problem is literally me
and no i'm not just saying all that so valka doesn't murder me in my sleep. like. it's currently the only animanga site i'm on right now, one of the very few sites i'm not running that i'm comfortable with joining and being a part of, and one of the very few sites i've actually gone back to after leaving so. yeah. if given the chance, i will sing it's praises. i just. need some help on digging myself out of this hole i'm in.
to make a really long and messy story short... i'd left a couple years back because i was having a really bad time (tm) after my first semester of college, and then i came back eventually after my head was on straight but now i'm scared of literally everyone because either a) there's unresolved drama there or b) i don't know what's been going around about that bad time (tm). so here i am one year later struggling with trying to keep characters because i don't know whether it's a genuine lack of muse or if it's a lack of plots killing the muse via mental health fun. which means i'm now even more afraid to plot with people because i don't want to pick something up and then drop it a month later because i figure out it was the first option, not the second.
like i said at the very start, this isn't really a want ad since i'm not looking for any specific roles or whatever
though i mean, it'd be great to have some of my want ads taken tbeh, but.
i'm just looking for a friend so i can have something steady and long-term to come back to. if you're already a part of ct? that's great! i've been with them for a long time and i do really love the place and i'd be delighted to actually get to plot with you. if you're not a part of ct? that's fine too! i'd love to be able to take you by the hand and show you around and give you a friend to start out with before you join!
tl;dr i've been out of the community for too long and i want to be good and stop being that one member everyone low-key dislikes because they only post for checks but i'm scared of literally everyone and everything now because of anxiety and just.
