03. beloved of a shadow
feat. eli and hemera

---

you were always told she loved you--

she loved you even before she knew you. she loved you as soon as the idea of you was even formed. when she held you in her arms, looked into your baby-blue eyes, when she kissed you softly--

you didn't have the words to form the idea of love in your memory yet. but she believed, she knew, you understood.

---

"What kind of a guy doesn't even love his own mom?"

you don't know how you can answer that question.

in the weeks that followed your arrival at this twisted no-space, this pocket between worlds, you've done a lot of talking to Hemera. you feel confident in saying that he is also You, the same soul fractured across divergent timelines.

but on this one matter--

you are so very, very unalike.

"Did she... hurt you? Did she leave you?"

"Not by choice."

"...That sucks, man. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? Weren't her fault. Nobody's fault, really. Her body wasn't strong enough, or the doctors weren't skilled enough, or both. I'm over it."

no, you don't love her. you want to - God knows how much you want to. but you can't.

how many stories have you heard, about the selfless warrior, who gave everything for her country, for her family?

and how many of those stories are true?

there are stories about "love at first sight." fiction for teen girls and frustrated middle-aged women. and those stories are bullshit.

how can you possibly love someone you've never met, who you don't know the first thing about?

how can you love someone who's always been presented to you as without flaw, whom you've never seen break down in frustration and struggle, and who could never have the chance to see your own?

any feeling you could have for her isn't worthy of being called "love."

"I don't love anyone," you say simply. "Maybe I'm just not capable of it."

he'll probably call you a fucking edgelord.

good. let him.

even if you could convince yourself you love her--

what's the use in drawing out those feelings for someone who could never love the you as you are back?

---

06. my old killer, how have you been?
feat. eli

---

"Whaddaya want."

"Who, me? No, I--I wasn't--"

"Listen, a gal looks at a guy like that, she only wants one of two things. And I ain't the kinda guy you take home to bed."

"Okay, look. It's-- I don't know if I can say it in polite company."

you look around at the bar, a crowd of outlaws, scoundrels, and assorted ne'er-do-wells. "We're in fine company, ain't we?"

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. It's gonna sound really stupid, but--" still, she leans in, her voice drops to a whisper. "I pride myself on never forgetting a face, okay? And, well, the hair is different, but-- you look exactly like a guy I shot in the head once."

"Second Zun, time about... 1350, right temple?"

"You're kidding me."

you lift the hair from your face to show her the scar.

"...You're not secretly a ghost, are you?"

"If you'd like to find out, I could punch you in the face."

"Thanks, but I'll pass."

she takes a sip of her drink.

"So. You're not, uh, gonna come after me for payback, are you?"

"Depends on what your answer to my next question is."

"Fine. I guess I might have it coming, after all these years."

"Was it personal?"

she's mulling it over. "Did you folks kill a lot of good people in the War? Yes. Were some of them my friends? Absolutely. But you, you specifically? No, it wasn't about you. You people just happened to be the ones in my way that day."

"There's your answer, then."

she nods, sagely. "So. Long as we're trading questions... mind if I ask you another one?"

"Hit me."

"How'd you survive. We confirmed you as dead on my side."

"Oh, same."

"Really?!"

"You know how it is. Fuckin' admins won't even let the body cool before they write you off." ( you sound, perhaps, just a bit bitter. ) "Woke up in the body bag. Spent the next week fightin' for my life. Then the next several months fightin' to be declared alive again."

"Incredible."

"Had a lot of luck. A really good medical team. And my crew does like to remind me I got a thick skull." you rap your knuckles against the old scar again. ( how little they know, the grain of truth behind the barb. )

"Your own crew...!"

you grin. "You're looking at the one and only ace pilot of the Shooting Star."

"No kidding! So. Any of 'em hot?"

"Ah." you hold up a finger. "I believe you're one over on questions."

her lip curls. "Right."

"But, it so happens I am in a good mood today. So I'll offer you a two-for-one deal."

"Intrigue me."

"You been keeping your skills up?"

she sighs. "It's a hard world. War may be long over, but a girl's gotta do what she has to to make ends meet."

"There's a V-arcade over on the station. And my ship doesn't leave for another two days." you finish the last of your drink, signal the bartender for the tab. "Think you can teach me how to make that shot?"

24. we fire our shots between the sound of our heartbeats
feat. altair

---

it's a bright, clear dawn when you fly up to the roof of the temple.

no-one notices as you transform from a seagull into a person.

concealed behind a high spire, you have plenty of time to get into position. you form an ice bolt from the air, slowly wind it into position on your crossbow. adjust the settings on your scope. lay yourself flat on the roof, steady your arm, slow your breathing. line up your eye.

she turns the corner, and walks toward the red dot. young, plump, and pretty. an unfortunate stage of life in which to meet one's end.

closer. closer. exhale, hold, and squeeze the trigger.

in the next second, a bolt sprouts from her neck. she screams.

by the time anyone notices, there's only a spreading pool of blood from the woman collapsed on the ground. through your scope, you can see her lips move, though you can't make out what, if anything, she's saying.

by the time they carry her into the temple, her heart will have stopped.

---

"Margrave Altair."

you coolly regard the messenger at the other end of the communication portal. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Displeasure," the messenger snaps. "Baron Dietzenbruck is furious."

you tilt your head in mock confusion.

"Did you know Clerya Willowbrook was pregnant?"

"Ought I have?"

"The healers managed to save her child. A healthy baby boy. As she had no other family, they're raising him at the temple." it visibly discomfits them when when this information produces no reaction in you. "The Baron wants the job finished. He's demanding an explanation of why you didn't take care of it to begin with."

"A bolt to the belly is more survivable. And I'll thank the Baron not to tell me how to do my job."

the messenger gulps as you continue. "My contract stipulated a quick and quiet kill of Clerya Willowbrook, in a manner untraceable to the client. Delivered as promised." your eyes narrow. "I don't believe an unborn babe was anywhere mentioned."

the messenger nods gravely. "It would be... inconvenient... for the Baron if the babe's parentage were to be discovered."

"How terrible for him."

"Sir... what shall I tell him, then?"

"Kindly deliver my response as follows: 'How much money is this death worth to you?' "

21. this emptiness that can't be filled
feat. eli

---

your neighborhood has a rat problem, and you're constantly hungry.

you're only six years old, and yet your dad has been teaching you how to be a man. step one is to establish dominance. step zero is to learn to identify what it looks like, and who holds it.

enter One-Eyed Tom.

despite his scarred eye, he's consistently the biggest, fattest, and meanest of the local street cats. one day, on a lark, you decide to follow him.

he loses you. he's too fast, too good at squeezing into places you can't.

so you get better.

you learn to run, learn to climb, learn to jump. some days, you almost feel like you could fly.

and one of these days, he leads you to the swarmyard. you watch in fascination at the way he stalks and pounces for the kill.

you imitate. but you're clumsy, your hands are weak. the rats scurry away. they mock you, just outside the edge of your reach.

the next time you return, you don't have claws, but you do have a knife.

( a child-sized thing, but your dad would be damned if you couldn't be arsed to learn how to feed yourself. ain't you wanna be a man, after all? )

the day you take down your first rat, One-Eyed Tom finally takes notice of you.

by this time a year later, it seems he's regarded you as something of a respectable hunting partner. some days you go on rampages through the streets. you always back off until Tom's had his fill, and he gives you the extras. you sell them to the kebab mongers for a respectable price (as is custom in these parts, they don't ask, and you don't tell), and can finally buy yourself some real food to eat.

if Dad ever notices, he never says anything.

---

you're eight years old the day One-Eyed Tom vanishes.

you don't look for him - just as he's never looked for you - but you keep an eye out. a week later, following the stench of blood and rot, you track him down.

he's dug into the crawlspace of an abandoned building. he bristles when you approach, but as you get closer, he recognizes your familiar scent.

he's noticeably thinner than usual as you coax him out.

you see his leg is mangled - it has to be a car, you realize, an anger you didn't know you had rising up inside you - you refuse to believe he'd lose a fight like this to anyone, cat or dog or man. it scrapes along the ground as he walks, and you know he must be in constant pain.

tentatively, you extend a hand.

it's the first time you've ever touched a cat. you didn't expect them to be so soft.

he doesn't protest when you scoop him up in your arms and carry him home.

---

you eat well tonight.

as it turns out, One-Eyed Tom is the first friend you put out of their misery. he won't be the last.

when you're getting too much muse from springo that it's interfering with your ability to write other things.

12. dangerous forbidden technique
feat. eli and hemera (and altair and gayle)

---

"C'mon, man. Altair needs a third. It'll be fun!"

"How fun could it be when I can't use my guns and there are rules against killing?"

"Eli, please. I'll owe you."

"Right BS that you can use your guns and I can't, by the way. Stupid magic loophole."

"If it bothers you that much, you don't even have to fight. Me and Altair will carry and all you have to do is scout other rounds for us."

"Fine. Whatever. Not like I had anything better to do that week, anyway."

---

"Guys, I think we got the worst possible draw for the round of eight. It's one-on-ones to total elimination, and their team captain is undefeated. I can't figure out how he's doing it. Maybe if we all wear him down and-- send Eli last..."

"Nah. Put me in, coach. I'll get there for us."

"Eli, you are not allowed to cheat. I'd rather lose if it has to come to that."

"Not gonna break any rules. Promise."

"Just remember, you have a reputation."

you smirk. "That's what I'm counting on."

---

it's time to step into the ring. the ref starts droning on. you're expected to exchange a bow with your opponent. you don't.

as soon as it seems he's distracted, I'll pull my hidden gun and blow his face off. sure, I'm gonna get DQ'ed, but the rest of my team will honestly testify that they had no idea I was gonna do something like this. we'll be down a man, but with our strongest competition out of the way, I'm sure Hemera will have no trouble sweeping--

you reach for your waistband.

he dashes across the stage and punches you in the face. the crowd gasps. the ref's whistle blows. you cough, wipe away a smudge of blood.

"Well? What are you waiting for? DQ him."

your opponent is furious. "Ref, if anyone should be DQed, it's him! Last night, he came up to me and said--"

" 'Just between you and me, I don't respect these stupid rules one bit. So I'd suggest that you be willing to do anything to win. Because I am.' Wasn't that it? Last I checked... weren't anything in the rules against a little friendly trash talk."

"He's right," Gayle pipes up from the stands. "Bribery, blackmail, and threats against outside parties are forbidden, but something so vague..."

"What's it gonna be, ref?" you ask. you tilt your head toward the big screen. "Entire world saw him cheat. You bounce him, crowd's gonna be mad they didn't get the fight they paid to see. But you get to keep the integrity of your precious tournament rules.

"Or, you don't. And me... and everyone else competing here... get to have some fun."

as the referee sorts through the implications of what you said, is frantically radioing the management staff, your opponent follows the line of your eyes. Altair is sitting in the back of the stands, crossbow at low ready.

"Anything, didn't I say?"

it's slowly dawning on your opponent how thoroughly he's been played.

"You son of a--!"

he lunges for you. you easily duck out of the way. a furious referee calls the security team to haul him off.

when they check you for hidden weapons, they find no gun.

"Oh, and ref? Might wanna add mind-reading to the list of things that are against the rules."

---

when you're back at your temporary digs, Hemera grabs your shirt collar and shoves you up against the wall.

"What the hell was that?"

"I said I'd win. I won. I said I wouldn't break a rule. I didn't. I never said anything about playing fair."

"Thanks to you, we are now the most controversial team at the tournament!"

"Good. Let that be motivation for you."

"You'd better not do anything like this again."

you shrug. "It could only have worked once, anyway."

28. I'm not the hero of your story
feat. eli and hemera [heavily au]

---

"Eli! You never told me you had a friend coming from out of town!"

you look up at the man standing next to the woman in white.

"Yo. Welcome to my city. Lemme give you the tour."

the camera pans around shingled roofs and cobblestone streets as you walk him around town. "It's pretty nice, all things considered. I got my own house... Occasional monster raids, but we head into the woods every few days to thin 'em out." you stop just long enough to exchange finger guns with a couple of your friends on the other side of the street. "Just enough risk to be fun, but not so much that anyone dies. Parts make good money, too. I think... you'd approve. No war, no poverty, no one's ever got a reason to fight each other."

"Eli. I hate to break it to you, but-- This isn't real."

"Well, obviously."

he's taken aback, and it miffs you a little. does he really think you're that stupid?

"Dead people can't come back to life. But more than that, I'm liked here, I'm happy here. Course it ain't real. How could it be?"

"So why are you still here?"

"Where else would I be?"

"You're seriously okay with this? Being locked in a tank-- fed a fake paradise to keep you compliant?"

"So what if some mad scientist wants to-- run experiments on me, harvest my gray matter or whatever. I've been through worse. So long as I keep getting what I want here, I got no reason to change anything. And if it stops, well, we'll burn that bridge when we come to it."

"But it's not real!"

"What, you thought I actually cared about your stupid quest to save the real world?"

he's speechless.

"I mean, I don't blame you, Hemera. You like it out there. You got money, respect, people waiting for you to go back. Me? World ain't never given me anything but shit. What reason do I got?"

"You've got me. And-- you've got Erinys."

"Fine. I'll give you Erinys. Deal? Take her and fart off with my blessing. Key's in the ignition. You've never flown an airship before, but you're a smart guy, you could probably figure it out in five minutes."

you grin a sardonic smile. "Say, you should be happy, shouldn't you? 'Least I ain't killing any more people."

"Eli. It's not about what makes me happy. It's about doing what's right."

you look into his eyes. they're the eyes of a man on a mission, a man who's sworn that he's not leaving a man behind.

"Last warning, Hemera. Get out of my dream."

and you both know that in order to save his world, he has to destroy yours.

your feathers bristle, you're reaching for your gun, but-- shit, did he get closer as you were talking? he's too close, he's already made contact, and you dimly hear a woman's scream. you're no slouch when it comes to cqc, but hemera's reach is longer, his fists are harder, and this isn't a fight you're equipped to win. you slam into the ground, a foot meets your stomach as you roll away. you hear the slide of a gun racking back as you pry your knuckles off of the bloodied cobblestones.

when you look up, a white-winged woman is standing between you.

"I don't know why you're doing this, but-- If you must kill someone-- Take me instead."

no. no, no, you can't do this to me--

--you absolute bastard, you knew, you knew this would happen, it's what you wanted, wasn't it--

the shot rings out and pierces her through the heart.

"MOM!"

pain stings your eyes, and you unmake unreality in a blinding flash of light.

---

the glass tank cracks, explodes. wires crackle with electricity as they fall away.

as soon as you come to your senses, you see him standing there. and you draw. behind him, you see the party reaching for their weapons--

"Back off!"

he's staring down the barrel of your gun. unmoving, unflinching.

(and you know, in hindsight, if he had shown even the slightest amount of hesitation, you'd have killed him on the spot.)

"I understand how much you must hate me right now. You want me dead, so be it. Just leave the others alone. They had nothing to do with this."

(how long has it been since your hands have shaken at the prospect of shooting a man?)

"I won't kill you," you say, after a long, painful pause. "It's not what Mom would have wanted."

you slowly lower the gun.

"Now find me some targets."

---

"Can you fix it? Can you send me back to the way it was?"

the scientist sadly shakes his head. he's lost everything, he says. you've ruined everything.

"Then you're useless to me."

you end him through the heart.

---

it's a cold, windy morning on the top deck of Erinys. the stars are out, but you pay no attention to them.

"Couldn't sleep?"

you shrug. "I was thinking.

"What I said to you about my mom? That wasn't strictly true.

"The guy said the fake worlds were made of our memories, right? So why was Mom there? I never had any memories of her-- I never knew her."

the words are coming out in a torrent. "I must have made her out of-- what I subconsciously imagined her to be like? What I wanted her to be like. Why did I do that, Hemera? Why'd I make a mom who--"

and your throat is getting tight.

"I killed her, Hemera. I went and killed my mom all over again."

you curl up, bury your head in your knees and wrap your arms around them. then, when you feel an arm around your shoulders, you let yourself go.

---

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Get some sleep. Long day ahead of us."

"Oh, and Hemera?"

"Yeah?"

"You ever tell anyone about what happened, I'll throw you over the side."

30. at world's end, the path we walked fractured in two
feat. eli and hemera (and the roster)

---

"Eli, be reasonable. I'm the goddamn moral crusader who dragged you all on this quest in the first place, and to top it all off I have a terminal disease. I can't in good conscience ask it to be anyone else."

"Screw the story conventions!"

they're all taken aback by the fire in your voice.

"Pick someone else. I don't care -- pick anyone else."

"Not happening."

"Who says the word has to be saved, anyway?" you're cracking, a maniacal smile coming to your lips. "I mean-- I'm alive, you're alive, we're all pretty good at hunting monsters, right? We could just. Do this. You can handle the business end of things, I'll do all the disgusting grunt work you don't want to, and-- we're gonna make a real killing at this, y'know--"

"Eli, the answer is no. End of discussion."

"I won't let you."

your hand tightens on the grip of your gun. Don't make me do this, you silently plead--

and your party leader gives his final order.

"Stop him."

---

they've leveled up. they've leveled up too much.

the blizzard is wearing you down, slowly but surely, and you're firing off shot after shot, but that bitch is healing them faster than you can output damage. you dig in deep with all the strength you can muster, but for every clean hit you land, there's one that's blocked by a wall of ice, or knocked off course by a sudden gust of wind.

you can't waste any more time here. you spread your wings, prepare to fly, when something grabs you from behind.

you scream, thrash your wings, but she holds you tight.

"Please," you gasp. "C'mon, work with me, I'm your friend--"

"I'm sorry, Eli."

you feel fangs pierce your neck, a searing pain, and-- nothing.

---

you wake up.

the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the world is at peace. in this moment, you want nothing more than to burn it to the ground.

as you try to get up, you feel bonds around your arms and legs. easy enough to struggle out of. you realize, they never intended to hold you forever. only long enough to guarantee your failure.

your gear is stacked neatly, in a corner of the room. it's almost like they anticipated what you'd do next.

you kick the door open.

none of them meet your eyes as you stride into the room.

"I hate you," you say.

"You killed him. All of you killed him! And so did I. And I will never forgive you for it."

I'll never forgive you.

I'll never forgive You, who are also Me--

how can you possibly forgive the one who failed you in the eleventh hour, who couldn't save the last best thing worth fighting for?

"And you're not even upset about it! Are you?!

"I hate you, and if I never see any of you again -- it will be too FUCKING soon!"

you brandish the gun. alarm ripples through the party, but you point it out the window. there's no point in killing any of them. it won't bring him back--

--and you fire.

one flying leap out, and you fly, and fly, until your wings can't bear the weight anymore.

the tower top is flat and barren. there's no one to hear you as you scream until your lungs give out, and you slump against a metal strut.

why?

why did you leave me?

why wasn't I good enough for you?

why am I never good enough for anyone?

the sun beats down on you, and you fight to meet its hateful gaze. you know it's wrong. of all the wrong you've done in this life, this is small potatoes at best. let it blind you. at least you'll never have to look upon this ugly world again.

the crack widens into a rupture, and you don't hold back anymore. rivulets flow freely down your cheeks.

up in his Heaven, he's probably laughing down at you right now. good. let him laugh at how useless and pathetic you are. it's the least you deserve.

you're curled up on your side. when did this happen? you don't remember.

you tuck a wing over your damp face, and drift off again.

---

it's night when you come to. the stars are you. your first thought is that you're not dead.

you assess. you haven't been beaten, you haven't been mugged while you were out. you take it as a sign.

you're cold and hungry. no friends, no money, but you've still got your wits and your skills and your gear.

it's time to do what you always do best.

so, you live on.

I am generally a sucker for Meaningful Names, so I will usually look up a baby name site (like beyondthename dot com) and scroll through lists looking for names that match the character's cultural background, etymological roots that match the character's vibes, and stuff like that. Sometimes I'll go with a name because I tried out the sound of the syllables in my head and out of all the options it was the one that I liked the best, even if it isn't the one that most closely matches the character's background. And yes, sometimes a name will just be a pun or a pop-culture reference of some sort.

I try not to reuse names for my own characters, but I'm less worried about other people and their rosters. Sometimes you hit on a similar name completely by accident and as long as there aren't "one Steve limit" rules on the site in question, it doesn't bother me.

individual content notices will not appear on the shorts in this thread, firstly because this is a pg-13 site and secondly because I don't expect anyone to read this anyway, but just in case, this is your blanket warning that jenesis's writing may contain themes of: child abuse/neglect, starvation, police brutality, human/oid experimentation, war, war crimes, violence, death (human/oid and animal), suicide and suicidal ideation, toxic relationship dynamics, drug ab/use, and just being generally depressing.

quick jump to bingo board here

B//
✔️20. after hitting rock bottom, you're Going Nowhere but up (eli/prime timeline)
✔️09. our futile wishes, To the Moon (eli&poppy/tlc)
✔️21. this Emptiness that can't be filled (eli/prime timeline)
✔️27. Free Fall isn't free (eli/prime timeline)
✔️02. when you aren't given a Clean Slate, make one (eli/prime timeline)
I//
✔️14. party like it's 1924 (eli&sylvana/tlc)
✔️11. Magnetic levity (altair&hemera&eli/tlc)
✔️06. my old killer, How Have You Been? (eli/prime timeline)
✔️29. never thought it was you I'd be Coming Home to (eli/prime timeline)
✔️05. So They Say it's what's inside that counts (altair&eli&gayle/tlc)
N//
✔️26. on Judgement Day, thy clarion sound (eli/prime timeline)
✔️07. Dollhouse: a study in three stories (syl&poppy&al/prime timeline)
FREE SPACE
✔️04. call a Storm Warning, but not for me (altair&eli/tlc)
✔️03. Beloved of a shadow (eli&hemera/tlc)
G//
✔️17. White Sand beneath black hearts (eli&gayle/tlc)
✔️28. I'm not the Hero of your story (eli&hemera/au)
✔️24. we fire our shots between the sound of our Heartbeats (altair/prime timeline)
✔️10. no Risk, no reward (eli/prime timeline)
✔️23. unto the breach Once More, With Feeling (eli/prime timeline)
O//
✔️19. Symmetry: a study in six faces (altair&the fam/tlc)
✔️18. when doubt slags your heart, Burn it Down until only iron will remains (eli/prime timeline)
✔️30. At World's End, the path we walked fractured in two (eli&the roster/au)
✔️12. dangerous Forbidden technique (eli&the fam/tlc)
✔️01. Conqueror of spring (jenesis&the roster/heavily au)
BONUS ROUND//
✔️08. close Call & Response time (eli/prime timeline)
✔️13. no Palace without its dungeon (eli/canonicity indeterminate)
✔️15. echoes From Afar (eli/prime timeline)
✔️16. gunSmoke & Mirrorshine (eli/prime timeline)
✔️22. fool's Golden rule (eli/prime timeline)
✔️25. the calamity of Creation (eli&hemera/au)
RELAY//
boys don't cry (eli/prime timeline)

one episode into fallout and if you know anything about my writing you'll know who my instant favorite character is

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[newclass=.bingoSpot]background-color:#eee;height:70px;width:89px;margin:2px;text-align:center;line-height:70px;font-family:roboto;font-weight:900;font-size:30px;color:#bbb;text-shadow:#fff 0 1px,#fff 1px 0,#fff 0 -1px,#fff -1px 0;[/newclass]
[newclass=.bingoSpot .th]float:left;margin-right:-100%;margin-bottom:-100%;font-size:40px;color:var(--bingoColor);text-shadow:#fff 1px 0,#fff 0 1px,#fff -1px 0,#fff 0 -1px;margin-left:-9px;margin-top:-20px;-webkit-transform:rotate(-10deg);[/newclass]
[newclass=.UNFINISHED .th]display:none;[/newclass]
[newclass=.COMPLETE .th]display:inline;[/newclass]
[newclass=.bingoBG table]cellpadding:0;margin-left:1px;width:492px;[/newclass]
[newclass=.bingoBG table tr]cellpadding:0[/newclass]
[newclass=.bingoBG table tr td]cellpadding:0[/newclass]

promising leap fifteen [redacted] worth if they set up bingo--

(for legal purposes, this is a joke. BUT ONLY BECAUSE bingo is a joke)