pronounsgoddess
454written posts
offlinecurrently
something i've been thinking about for a few years, as it always seems to happen to me:
i am tired of being the "bad cop" of admin teams. like, somehow, i always end up falling into the role where i have to be the one to point out problems, or say when something is not okay. i also end up something like a guard dog, being the one to defend against rude people/annoyances. and like... that's fine. but it's not easy on me. if someone needs to step up and do it, i will. but i don't want to be seen as some heartless/nitpicky bitch. i am actually... ridiculously sensitive. and i end up crying over site related shit a lot more often than a person should. this is all online and shouldn't bother me irl, but... fuck, does it.
i've also been thrown under the bus so many times, to appease other members. like, oh i don't really have an issue with it myself, but.... and guess what? i'm the but, because i saw a very serious issue with a certain thing. it really eats away at me. i know there is usually a staff/member sort of divide, but this just makes it grow wider and wider.
i try my hardest to remain fair and impartial, and i work in the background to make sure everything comes off as kindly but as firmly as necessary... but i'm still the bad guy at the end of the day. the one who gives out all the bad news and the one who no one wants to interact with.
maybe i care too much about these things. but... staffing has become painful for me. so much so, that i'm hesitant to help out even when a friend asks me to.
i just want to have a good time and write, just like everyone else. i'm tired of ending up the bad guy.
Praise Jesus thank you. I am always the bad cop. I always have to be the bad guy to put their foot down on things. It kills me and it always puts me in a position with members that they think the worst of me just because I have to be the one who is stern / lays down the rules at times.
|
|