today it hit me that what i currently do is not enough. it doesn't make me happy, it doesn't motivate me, blah blah blah.

it does the total opposite. i don't know how many of us here feel the same way on the daily basis. sometimes i'm able to endure this feeling, but as time has gone on, i've been feeling it less and less.

to be more specific, i'm talking about my job lol. my it is great and all, but it doesn't resonate with me anymore. and i really feel like any other typical job wouldn't either. maybe this is why people say find a career you love or whatever. *rolls eyes*

i like to create shit, like i do a internet radio show with my friends, i'm working toward creating a youtube channel (been working on that for 11yrs) and i do a few other creative things. and though i really enjoy those things, they don't bring any income so i can't do them fun time or really for any large sum of time.

so, how do i change this? "make more money so i don't have to worry about money." awh, shit. that doesn't help me. but i know there is some truth to that. if i use my money more effectively and invest in those things i like to make them a financial viable option, then perhaps i can move away from my regular job to something i like. easier said than done.

or maybe that's just me. i have a hard time saving money, especially when i grind so hard to get it and i like enjoying the fruit of my labor. but this is a terrible trait. because if i never save money then i'll never be able to build upon things or create a foundation for the things i want.

i thought up all this while i was at work today feeling miserable af. and i just wanted to get it out. i know that nothing comes easy, and i know i have to start before i'm prepared. and even then i have to grind at other things to make them sustainable options... meh.

#rantover
#idontproofreadshit
#mindallovertheplace