i expect too much patience from people.

after inevitably disappearing for at least a few months out of each year, for no good reason, i rely on courtesy to ease the readjustment period of a return. which is super irresponsible as, with time, i see my old, "real", relationships turning into not much more than memories. no doubt with the same sentiment behind its decay that i'm talking about in regard to my internet presence. i need to live now and not three months from now when i feel more comfortable. i need to cherish the people that tolerate me— build up the positive interactions we have instead of steadily pushing everyone away. if i keep neglecting that positivity in my life, regardless of its physical distance to me, i'm afraid i'll end up an embittered (very pleased that's a real word) old fuck with nothing good to say about the experience left behind them.

my brain for the past two days has been "you're leaving for a few days and everyone's gonna forget about you"
so, to retaliate against my brain, i watched a mini-series and listened to a new music group i found.
take that, invasive thoughts

i love how ridiculously proud i get when i manage to skin something right

hey depression it's me ur boi. welcome back