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pronounsshe/her
13written posts
safiearned bits
offlinecurrently
safi
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god is in his heaven; all is right with the world
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safi


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01. Conqueror
02. Clean Slate
03. Beloved
04. Storm Warning
05. So They Say
06. How Have You Been?
07. Dollhouse
08. Call & Response
09. To the Moon
10. Risk
11. Magnetic
12. Forbidden
13. Palace
14. 1924
15. From Afar
16. Smoke & Mirrors
17. White Sand
18. Burn it Down
19. Symmetry
20. Going Nowhere
21. Emptiness
22. Gold
23. Once More, With Feeling
24. Heartbeat
25. Creation
26. Judgement Day
27. Free Fall
28. Hero
29. Coming Home
30. At World's End
last edit on Apr 30, 2024 17:05:15 GMT by safi
pronounsshe/her
13written posts
safiearned bits
offlinecurrently
safi
New Member
safi Avatar
god is in his heaven; all is right with the world
02: CLEAN SLATE
Written to everything you've ever dreamed



Her fingers grip the porcelain as if she wants to crack it. Smashed shards distort the face that looks back at her but there is no mistaking it is her - drained, perhaps, heavy set dark circles and a certain sickly paleness in the fluorescent light of the bathroom - but it’s still her. Her hair hangs over her features, the bright orange beginning to fade, no longer the colour of sunset, of liquid flame poured forth from a brazier. Despite every new line on her face, it is still her.

Should that realization be a comfort?

The hydrogen peroxide stings against the open cuts, one bisecting her bottom lip, another few across her cheeks. When she carefully tries to pry the shards of glass out with shaky hands, she accidentally cuts her hands. The sink fills with her blood, washed down by lukewarm water that spins idly towards the drain from the steady trickle of the tap.

A fresh start, they promised, as they placed a handgun between her palms. After today, she would not have to be herself anymore - a new name, a new place, a whole new life was waiting for her as long as she did one last job. Words like spun sugar dripped into her ear by a snake that had already crushed her long before she fell through the glass.

Sometimes, the radio mocks her. It knows about the incident, but it doesn’t know enough to do anything but frustrate her with the interruption of the smooth lilting vocals. She knows what happened. She doesn’t need reminding of the fact that she does not in fact get her new life as cleanly as was promised.

Her lashes rest against her cheeks as she exhales, taking a moment to steady herself on the sink again. The knife is there within her reach.

Instead, Annie takes a deep breath. She washes her hands in the cheap motel soap that refuses to lather, and when she is content that there is no more blood underneath her nails, she opens her eye up with her fingers. A bloodshot pupil stares back at her, but it is human in its entirety, rolled upwards, downwards, to the left and right, searching for abnormalities. Teal looks back.

She removes the eyepatch from her right eye. The eye that looks back is not bloodshot - it is simply red. There is nothing there but red, not an empty socket, but the red liquid that shifts beneath the membrane. It is normal.

No, it’s her normal.

She checks her teeth, fingers thumbing over molars for any traces of sharpness. Her right incisor is too sharp, nicking the pad of her index finger forcing her to taste iron. It has always smelled so sweet, even when it’s hers. It would be even more satisfying if it was someone else’s. The image of sinking her teeth into the flesh of a willing victim, or even better, one that has been chased down like a rabbit running from the wolf’s jaws.

A fresh start - she was promised. The idea is shoved down as she takes the knife in her right hand, shaking slightly with the knowledge of what she has to do. She mumbles that she is human like a prayer, pleading with some unforeseen force.

She presses the point of the knife against the thin membrane of her right eye. She is met with her own grim expression, chest rising and falling with the rhythm of prey rather than predator. It is the moment of anticipation that is the worst, and she tells herself this directly as she plunges the knife through the membrane and screams.

Her head smashes against the porcelain, slumping the floor. Her body shakes and shivers, trying to force the air into her lungs.

It is her normal to continue the same loop until she can get her clean start. To make the feelings go away, to make the cravings stop. She can see it looming over as she lays there completely helpless, blood rushing from the gouged eye, taking her chin between its claws as it purrs. When it leans down to lay a kiss upon her forehead, it is so soft with her that she can almost forget what it is.

“Sleep, my little wolf, there is always another day for us.”

last edit on Apr 29, 2024 22:09:27 GMT by safi
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