pharaoh leap, Desmond Miles, and 3 more like this
fossa
Senior Member
he's suppose to be DEAD
(i typed this all up before your second confession and ive put too many braincells into it to redo it) i'm someone who is guilty of this behavior. there's no point trying to act like i'm not or like i haven't let it incite me into bullying people or treating them poorly. i've also been at the receiving end, in which i knew people, who i thought were friends, would spread gossip about me. which is why i think this is such an important post and honestly, probably deserves its own topic. i think this behavior starts off harmless, or at least not with ill intentions. it starts as what is intended to be venting, but quickly turns into mockery and gossip at other members expense. even worse is when staff get in on it - the fact you're even aware of this being an issue is big, leap. going back to it being venting, i read something recently that helped me distinguish between venting and, well, trashing someone. i copied it to save because knowing what is healthy venting and isn't is something i have a hard time with, and i don't know if others understand the difference either. to quote, from reddit: "being an asshole" is the idea that needs exploration. That's assigning blame. They = asshole. If someone else said you were being an asshole, you would feel attacked. Healthy venting should be more like: this person did this specific thing, and afterwards I felt a specific way. venting can be healthy, and it shouldn't be expected for members to always be okay with each other or to just want to roll with every punch. sometimes, issues are frustrating, but not enough to bring to staff or the opposing party. so having said that... i don't know how to stop - or rather, discourage - this problem from members, because it's not a clear cut thing and it's not like you can just say "please don't be mean behind people's backs" and expect them to listen. either people don't recognize the behavior, people don't care, or they think they're justified. the best case 'fixes' i can think of are recognizing what members are most likely to be engaging in this behavior - but that's also not really a solution. i'm sorry this isn't actually a helpful post offering suggestions but i'm glad to see this topic being addressed. and please don't look at yourself as having failed your members or let people down. it's not your fault that members engage in this type of behavior. this isn't the best analogy, but it's about like blaming yourself as a teacher when a kid outside of class is getting beat up and you don't even realize it's happening because it's not even on campus. |
last edit on Feb 3, 2021 2:35:59 GMT by fossa
