tl;dr admins often get the short end, huh

really late to the party here, but also maybe not. I haven't read through all the other comments yet, but this one I vibed with.

It does really suck but it seems like a lot of people are moving into private or semi-private rp, myself included, for reasons simply like the one above. Our ability to trust that the community won't just continue to stab the admins of sites in the backs is getting harder and harder to develop. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore having new members and fresh eyes to see over the things I create. I love watching the excitement as people get involved and develop their own plots... But I'm also so damn tired of trying to keep it all in line. I have to be able to trust that the new people coming in are going to be able to hold themselves above the water. I'm going to have to trust that the people that are already a part of the world don't try to overthrow it or have a fit because I say no. This is especially harder when running original sites, not that fandoms don't have issues when it comes to what can and cannot but it is my world. I built it. If you don't like it, then you don't have to be in it. If you get mad because the site is run on plots that aren't strictly yours, then oh well? It's still my world? I should at least get the say in whether or not something can be done? I am more than just here to answer questions or bend to members will. I deserve a voice just as much as everyone else? In fact, I kind of deserve more of one since I made the things, I put the effort and the work in, all you had to do was show up and cause a scene because its not what you wanted? Then maybe be event staff or something idk.

this is not directed at anyone in particular and has been my experience over the last 15-18 years of rping

The fact that I even have to include that is proof enough that admins are mistreated by members all the time. Again, not a callout post. I've been forcibly removed from sites in the past for having ideas that were too wild. On the other hand, I also befriended staff and became an important event hoster on other. I understand both sides. But I still very vehemently agree that so many of us that have been rping for eons are getting too old or too burnt out from trying to be anything other than writers. Yes. we have a responsibility to new members and to old ones, but we really have a responsibility to ourselves as well. It just sucks that it has to mean that we have to give up the hope of meeting new people and making new friends to lock ourselves in semi-private groups.

Staff can feel free to remove this if it becomes a problem or something, but I swear it's only my two-cents

Forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but I sometimes worry that my ideas are too esoteric for other people. I have trouble combining my perspective as an admin and my perspective as a prospective player; if I think like one, I can't think like the other. 

I just have this weird hodge-podge of ideas based on stuff like 90s sci-fi OVAs, LoL: Arcane, and Eberron and I don't know how to put them in a way that's beginner-friendly and easy to digest. Which really sucks, because I'd love to have other people play in that weird world I've come up with. But at the same time, I want to make it a place I want to play in, too.

I don't know how to solve this problem.

I have been working off-and-on on a RP forum for years and a part of me wants it to be semi-private or private—but I lack the connections I used to have and I really do also want to meet new people. I’m currently going Solo Admin on this, I would probably be open for more staff as it would make the idea of opening the place easier, but I don't know about that still. Ultimately I’m still lingering on whether or not I’ll ever actually open this...admittedly getting rather large passion project.

There are ways to deal with this yet I am really at a stalemate here mentally. But I have enjoyed working on the forum, even if it never actually sees the light, or only sees the presence of a few. I do quite adore what I have made so far, has the beloved skeleton of my “Dream RP” home. But maybe I will let it rest, alongside the other skeletons. Rotating them in my mind...the "what ifs", y'know?

as someone who has like 8 million of those "what ifs" projects just sitting on the sidelines... It's clear that you're quite passionate about it. That sort of love and passion for a project is what will make it flourish in the long run. You're not going to get tired of it an abandon it because it isn't doing well, even if it hurts if it doesn't right away. I think it's the best thing that people can do when it comes to releasing rp sites, whether private or semi-private or fully public. If you love it enough, the right people will show up eventually who love it just as much as you do. And sites with passion behind them live long lives. So do whatever you feel is best fam. But I totally think you should go for it.

I probably would've said a few years ago that sure, length isn't the be-all end-all - but that a high-level character blah blah strong blah blah important blah blah should have some massive multi-thousand word history, at least.

Holy shit was I wrong, 'length is an important consideration when making characters with strong powers...' Why? Literally why should the length of an app have anything to do what kind of things you do or don't accept? Do you want people to post massive slogs of an app that details every single that every happened to them? You want to read all that, regardless of whether it's well written or not?

Length ought to have practically zero correlation to 'importance'. Even the concept that higher-level powers and things should have longer explanations as a justification just serves to push people into making massively long apps.

Besides, Discord has made it so that idk 9/10 of the apps you grade are from people who you've spoken to or at least tangentially know or could ask someone else about.

I'd go more into player bias in grading and all that, but that's really an entirely different discussion altogether.

p.s. I'm also starting to see why some people vehemently hate hard stats and even greatly prefer no stats at all to light, though I wouldn't go that far

I think that the only reasons character apps should have massive histories on them is if they've been hella developed over time. Like if a character that starts out with your standardish app history that expands exponentially over the course of the time on the site because of all the stuff that happens to them as some kind of rp record. That's nice. I have 0 idea why someone would want to have... a longer app history in correlation to powers. TBF though, some people like writing massive apps. They like the description and whatnot. But this is why I have staff to read and accept apps because my dyslexic self cannot stand big blocks of text.

still considering massively stepping back from admin positions because i just. need an emotional break.

i'm going through a lot irl and it's not even related to RP stuff at all.

while i am not the best coder or the most efficient, i still have a fear of going into our skin code since i am going to break the entire forum lol. trying to rely less on the one staff member that knows coding more than me and the other staff member do so we don't have to bug as much. ; u ;

You ever just get super disheartened as an admin when things just don't quite go as planned? Whether it's members aren't joining or just aren't interested, or if activity flops, or if there's too much drama or whatever that just makes you step back and look at it like "do I actually want to keep doing this?"

It seems to be happening more and more often, but I think a lot of it is just having to do with the overall state of the world, the overall state of the community itself, -with proboards being taken over and a lot of people moving straight to discord- but not just that. Most of us are older now. We've got work, college, the like. Life is way more stressful than our carefree kid/high school days.

And that's okay. Take the breaths. Move onto private rp. Whatever you feel like. All the admins out there just doing the best they can. Please members, try to take that into consideration too. The world's real rough right now. Be compassionate to the staff.

having everyone watch me reskin a site in real time is funny. I usually do things on a test site and move over a finished product, BUT NOT THIS TIME MUAHAHAHA. lol everything is so mismatched.

I suffer from putting /too much/ weight and responsibility onto my shoulders. I should know that despite taking the time to be staff, putting in all the extra work and time and effort, things will happen, some sites will fade and it's not solely on the staff but also the members as whole.

I also need to work on knowing it's ok to prioritize myself, it's ok that if things become too much of a hassle, that despite being staff, we are still allowed to want to have fun, roleplay, write and enjoy.

Small steps but I'm getting there.

i love roleplaying and staffing on the site i'm on. however, i know i might crack soon on the staffing side if things don't change soon. people are relying on me like i'm the head admin. my hands are tied since i really don't want to feel like i 'took' over so to speak. but i just hate that i'm putting more into the site as a regular staff member. :c