8

this is an abuse of run-on sentences and a hate-crime against proper grammar and periods but panicked spiralling streams of consciousness? panicked spiralling streams of consciousness!

6

liking the outputs you create is cool, actually. damn, we should normalize having a healthy respect for our stuff

6

my brain either runs at 100% or 0% energy and it can vary from the hour, i'm sorry to anyone who tries to hold a consistent conversation with me

I used to go by a damn cringey handle in youtube, back during the era where AMVs and MEPs were all the rage. (I'm talking handles with Xx or "lvr" followed by a string of numbers. Yeah.)

Then I joined fanfiction.net and thought "hey, if I'm gonna write here, I want something that sounds not like some edgy 12 y/o kid's new mmo handle" (I say, having been 11-12 at the time). I used to be a big Fairy Tail fan, so the word "celestial" came to mind because of Lucy Heartfilia, followed by the words "mystique" (probably blaming x-men for this tbh) and I went "I like these two. What if,,,,, I merge them,,,,,"

And thus, Celestique was made. My online friends called me Cel or Celest, or some variant of, but Cel was the easiest so it stuck.

As for Nightlock? Hunger Games. I used to be a big fan back when it was a huge cultural phenomenon. (Still am tbh)

Tell me about your comfort character. Who are they? What specifically do you relate too?

I mean, writing-wise? I've got a couple, yeah, though none hit quite as hard as two of my biggest muses as of late. Don't get me wrong; both of them are honestly awful people when you strip them down to their most bare, but I've still poured more of myself than I ever expected to. One of them is, despite being a witch hunter devoted to his thankless cause, an ultimately sweet and loving guy who cares too much, talks too much, and doesn't quite know who he is outside of said thankless cause. Nothing's really called to him, his identity ephemeral to the whims of his family, and he's satisfied with it because as long as that means he has some semblance of identity, that's okay. He's comfortable in his path because it's preordained and he has nothing else outside of it. It's a lot of projecting on my end, because for as long as I could remember I've been at that crossroads where I don't know what I want to do in life or where my passions lie. It always feels as if if I pursue one thing, it means choosing not to do another thing, and there just seems to be too much time and not enough time to just settle, y'know?

The other one, meanwhile, is the complete opposite. She's an ambitious, take-no-shit woman who's always been a little too intense, a little too angry at the world, and never satisfied. The kind of person who grew up with so much prejudice and intergenerational trauma it made her terrified of the possibility she would never be worthy of existing as more than a footnote. A lot of her personality—snark, temper, pride, stubbornness, etc.—absolutely mirror my own because I've been just as much raised in an environment that demands fighting for notice, for a voice, etc. And where I falter, she rises, and I want to have that same kind of confidence in myself while knowing what I want. She absolutely is an obsessive genius loner (a la Beth Harmon from the Queen's Gambit), but also? That kind of self-satisfaction and determination amidst the worst odds around would be,,,,, pretty nice. Yeah.

Oop, I went rambly. Anyway. As for my question—

If there was one thing, any thing, you could ask your future self: what would it be?

Was in a bit of a writer's block for a bit that has hopefully passed. I blame finally reading again, but I did like writing this, particularly the last line bc it slaps.

lmao so today started great and is just continuing great

god help me.

dude. yes. please. someone give us scadrial, it has SO MUCH potential.

also on another note, i decided to watch an episode of totally spies earlier and yknow what? an rp with a spy-based premise could be fun. let's go all james bond, mission impossible, what have you. 

you have no idea how much i needed this rn. thank 💖

[incoherent pterodactyl screams followed by crying]

fuck the academia