aliasCel, Nightlock
pronounsShe/They
820written posts
offlinecurrently
CEL
Part of the Furniture
i don't get angry when i'm pissed; i'm the eternal optimist.
So today I found out one of my friends, who had suddenly been acting real shitty towards me, believed I had leaked some private group conversations...because a mutual friend of ours stirred the pot and said they totally had evidence of me doing it. (No, you can't see it, but it's super duper real.) So now, weeks later, he found out that I had not, in fact, been leaking private group conversations and apologised to me for treating me that way. (I had been confused by his sudden behavioural change before then.) But I'm a shitty person and can't accept his apologies, so now we're no longer friends. ._. Why am I like this (2) on what desmond said. you aren't a shitty person because you can't & won't accept the apology. you're a person who got hurt because someone you valued as a friend betrayed your trust and believed the worst about you, all because someone else said so. you aren't under any obligation to accept that, especially when he didn't try to have a conversation with you about the matter, and instead jumped the gun on hateful behavior so suddenly. i've been there. it hurts, it'll make you mad, and my hot take is, honestly? someone who does value you as a friend would make an effort to understand what happened on both sides, at the very least, rather than act with impulsive cruelty. again, speaking from experience: the real friends worth sticking with wouldn't do something like that to you. because they actually give a damn about you and care, and anyone who immediately jumps to believe the words of someone else's questionable hatespeech regarding you just has preconceived notions they want to believe true. once they're given a (in their view) valid reason to feel vindicated for how they feel, they'll do it. it's why the biggest combatant to gossip is, fundamentally, communication and empathy. anyone who has a problem with you, or disagrees with you to the point of it boiling into poor behavior, especially if they're meant to be a friend, would speak up on it directly. a hard to swallow pill for some, but like, a friendship, like any relationship, requires people willing to talk about their problems, engage in healthy confrontation and discussion, and understand just wtf is going on and how to move forward. if the person won't do that with you, and only apologizes after they're proven wrong through some other means, then i think that says enough. tl;dr, don't feel bad for refusing to accept the apology. that's just knowing you deserve better. he broke your trust. that takes time and effort to rebuild. you are under no obligation to give it freely, and immediately, after that kinda display of behavior. if he really does mean his apology, he should understand that. if the friendship mattered, work will be done to prove that. if not, then the unfortunate fact of life is that sometimes that'll happen. i know i'm bitter over years of my wasted youth on some people, but you learn to move on. and that doesn't make you a shitty person at all.
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last edit on Jul 17, 2024 12:54:48 GMT by CEL
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