A home site of mine is closing soon, and I was honestly thinking it was the best due to inactivity.

But as I plot finales out and the like, regret and wishing things could go on are really hitting me. I know it's not healthy for a site to be held up by a select few, but gdi I really wish people could have stepped up more to keep it going.

or is the fact my otp is be archived alongside it also talking? Yes. V much.

Ok hyped myself up after a break from discord & rpc. Time to try again!!

I need to join another site...

I stare out the window like a war widow, waiting for replies...

No matter how crappy or happy I feel I always am in the mood to post.

The human spirit is truly amazing.

Noted!

After lunch I felt better so I think I'm just hitting the "not enough sleep, water, or food + stress" wombo combo these past few weeks haha

Idk if it's stress or what but can my head just stop getting headaches please. It's been on and off all week 😭

I think I'm a mixed. Some threads I have an easier time replying to be it because of my partner's length/style, the character, or the plot (threads where there's significant development tends to get me going). So often I'll reply to those quickly.

That being said, I'd hate to hyper-focus on one thread or partner over others because I've been on the receiving end before. So I try my best to alternate between the thread I'm hyped about and others that need to be done (usually by dates, I use the alert system as a checklist). So it can come out as replying one by one or replying to multiple at the time LOL.

why can't I sleep 🤨

I honestly adore people like this tbh. I think it really fills me with joy to feel like my partners enjoy what we have cooking. More often than not I like to jump into things than wait.

Waiting is what gives me the anxiety LOL

joined a thread bc I thought it'd be fun... only for it to be the opposite and to have my character get mostly ignored. sighs. this is why I wonder why I should even bother. :/

I hate how anxious and hyper-viligant I feel myself get, especially towards stuff I care about. I'm aware that the habit comes from my rp experiences which were more negative than positive, i.e. always feeling not good enough, frequently ignored, losing things to "better" writers, plots, characters, to actual bullying on server, etc. It became routine for me for years, and as much as I try to be more positive it's unfortunately a "ok but I'll be expecting to be treated like this bc that's how it always goes." Then I feel immense guilt for being so paranoid the moment I see one sign or the flips my brain does LOL.

I guess although this has been a thing for me, rp has become a hobby where I can just relax when actually writing. It's helped me with enjoying writing, media, and more. I do feel like it's made me respect how stories are crafted and the catharsis it gives its writers. I guess it's just the social aspect that kind of kills the joy. I suspect that I should just not put so much of my heart into partners and our plots but that seems so cynical LOL.

I hope as I continue on with the hobby I can have a good balance eventually and feel more at ease. I've been trying to do my healing era so here's to continuing. Things take time and that's okay.

+1 on characters not following a plot... I think the biggest thing is my characters don't include themselves in things when I want them to!!

Quit self isolating/sabotaging and engage with people gdi