it's always funny that i go through phases of brief, intense interest, and that i always end up coming out with a strange and unexpected new way of understanding people.

right now i'm watching many documentaries on mountaineering (matterhorn, annapurna, everest, k2) and one of the climbers on one expedition said something along the lines of;

'mountaineering is very much about the team, and simultaneously composed of highly ambitious individuals, in a scenario in which they need each other to succeed, but knowing only a handful will have the opportunity to summit.'

and i realised that so many people are like that, irl and in rp. you need a team to be effective and to make things happen. and yet, only so many can be the star, and in a lot of cases the team is built to sustain the elevation of a single person/character and achieve their goals. many are left in the support role because it's either that...or not be there at all.

there are highly ambitious people with great need for individual success who will invite you into what seems to be a group effort and cultivate just enough of a 'group' to keep people there - but its not actually about the group. the group benefits, but never as much as the person getting it all together. and its not even a bad thing. you just have to ask yourself if that's someone you want to be around.

some people are very much like mountaineers. they know who they need to succeed - but its for their success, not for the teams. but the opportunity the provide is simply not one you can turn down if you have no alternative.

i'm honest to god going to be seeing html in my sleep and wake up in a hot sweat from the nightmare.

if i have to type <br> one more time, i'm going to become it.

edited bc the hiatus record hurts my soul

got DAMN that was the longest 4 month wait but finally the irs is giving me my refund $$$ and i'm so darn xcited

this gonna b a hot girl summer i can feel it

should i enter this short story contest? the theme setting is my least favorite but maybe i'll make an inverse world of it—the prize is A Lot of $$$