aliasAsu
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With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
2023 was both a lot of victory and kinda rough! A lot of heartbreak, crying, construction, deconstruction, destructionโ but a lot of good moments too. And honestly, it's all good set-up for what's to come. I won't take back anything that 2023 has given and taken from me, and honestly, I'm grateful that I've learned a lot in the process.
1. FINALLY FINISHED GRAD SCHOOL. I cried way more than I thought I would for this omfg, I was still very salty that I was supposed to be finished last December, but I feel like everything lined up the way that it was supposed to and I got a better education for it. Grad school had been a long journeyโ COVID made it terrible, I was orienting at a new job at the same time, I had to transfer schools because the testing policy at my old school was rough, but hey I ended up in a better program, and I have a job offer waiting for me as soon as I finish my licensure exam. I'm so happy I get to have my life back.
2. I branched out and ended up making a lot of new friends while cosplaying. I won't say that I am the most body positive person toward myself, but it really boosted my confidence to be in cosplay, and I'm so happy that it's taught me that I could still make a lot of new friends. I was feeling super terrible between 2019 until maybe 2021/2022 because of losing my high school friend group and wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make new friends. Moving back to my hometown after undergrad really did me in, and my old Monday through Friday job made me miserable. So yeah, it was such a good step in a new direction to start becoming social again and making new friends.
3. Besides conventions, I took a lot of trips this year. I was a bridesmaid for one of my friend's weddings. I went to another friend's wedding in Singapore with my best friend. I went to Vegas for a work conference and brought my friend and we goofed off so hard that one time, we got into a pool party for free, we were about to pay for our overpriced drinks at the bar, and then a lady comes up to us and gets us into this cabana with heated pool at the pool party for free. So basicallyโ what a wonderful time to be a woman in Vegas. I went to Toronto and got to meet an RP friend, went to a cousin's wedding, and then the big trip that I had been waiting for... I went to Japan! I still have to sort through my photos and videos and compile my video for that trip, but all these experiences make me so excited for the future again.
4. I'm reading books again! This makes me so happy, it's been a while since I've been able to read for fun. So, I'm definitely looking for more recommendations as I go along. I really am getting into a more narrative kick and want to be reading more, and I think it helped that I fell into Disco Elysium in the beginning of the year.
5. I'm learning to love myself better. I've spent a good chunk of this year feeling like a second choice, second best, conditional and not really worthy of love or care when I feel like I'd been treated poorly both in the past and in this year and believing that maybe I deserved it. My Spotify wrapped embarrassed me because there was a lot of Laufey on it oops, but I'm slowly doing the work and remembering to do things that I love and engaging in the friendships that have nourished me. It's still a work in progress, and I still feel like it's never going to fully go away, but I'm glad to be laying down the tracks to attempt to be better to myself. The voice in your head can be the cruelest one, even if you endeavor to care for others. I'm just glad that this year has shown me that people do care and that I should reach out more often.
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