I think I have done this sometimes. Not consciously and intentionally. If you reference some of the threads here about "good roleplay partners" and such, you'll see a lot of people mention they want to "vibe" with their roleplay partner.

So I'm autistic. I express my excitement differently from most people: either it's my hyper-focus and you'll see me talk for hours on end, or it's just something I'm keen on and you'd probably find it difficult to tell I'm excited. I collect music boxes, and for Christmas my brothers all got me a music box. Surrounded by beloved music boxes, I was in bliss.

My brothers couldn't tell if I liked it or was extremely disappointed.

Why am I telling you this? Well, partially ADHD so I get distracted easily, but also to illustrate my point. So when I match with a roleplayer, and I know most like enthusiastic, cheerful writers, I tend to "roleplay" being such a writer in order to establish that first contact. But it takes quite some energy out of me, and it's not sustainable in the long term, so once I've, uh, hooked you in, I tend to rely on that first burst of enthusiastic exchange to coast us through to the end, while personally remaining enthusiastic even if I don't express it with the same intensity as before.

I used to have a friend in League of Legends who would talk to me every day about all sorts of things, and at first I reciprocated enthusiastically...but after a while, that wasn't sustainable, he found me reticent, and we wound up drifting apart because he felt I didn't want to be friends and I couldn't keep it up that long. Sometimes I'm just out of spoons to spend.

Uh, basically, sometimes you can believe people at their word when they say they're still enthusiastic even if they don't express it emotionally in the way you expect. Some of us are wired differently, and I suspect neurodivergence is overrepresented in this hobby to begin with. Can't speak for everyone, though. I think the best preparation you can do is work out for yourself what makes you excited to continue roleplaying. I don't think it's necessarily wrong if you break off a contact because it's making you miserable or anxious, even if the other party can't help it.


I'm not sure if I should share this because I am not entirely comfortable putting a target on myself like this, but I guess you also can't expect understanding without opening up a bit.

i'm also in the spectrum! the joyous disastrous couple of autism and adhd. i am honestly the same. i am actually a very excited fellow but i try not to "burst" my energy. i've had to clarify multiple times that i am excited, but i usually don't like expressing it, weirdly. it's just from bad experience. i found that my energy has scared people off? or that i felt disappointed by their reaction. but it's also for rping in general- i don't like "hyping" too far.

so i 100% get what you mean. but ironically enough, i didn't consider the folks i had thought from this question might be in the spectrum too. but there is one person i have thought who might be so... i'll close the case on them. obviously just a wild guess/assumption but it does relieve me knowing there is an explanation, even if uncomfirmed lol.

thanks for sharing your insight! you putting yourself out there has helped this fellow <3

I suspect being anxious whether we've nailed the footwork in the dance of social interaction is a trait that haunts many of us on the spectrum. So I'm almost 90% sure you're anxious because you worry you've done something wrong and are the cause of the reticence. I've been there. But I don't think the onus of managing a proper relation should be on only one person. It takes two to dance, so I hope you can also keep your chin up and keep in mind that even if you do everything perfectly and are the greatest friend this side of the milky way, there'll still be people who pull away and aren't feeling it.

It's not always you. Sometimes, it really is them.

Mmm sorry but i think i am the 10% of your assumption haha. I did talk to these people first and they did tell me it’s all cool. They stopped responding to me after that xD so i don’t think it’s my anxiety that caused them to back away. I’m not trying to be their friend and I don’t even view myself as a particularly great one. Just thought it was weird that they just suddenly seemed to have lost interest. Or never reached out to me again.

This is why I am never 100% on anything. Well, shucks, I don't know what to tell you then. I wonder if they just lost interest but want to avoid the confrontation by not admitting it.

oh you’re fine! You already helped me! Your first post had wise words in it; i didnt get to highlight it bc i was too excited to reply haha.

I don’t think they lost interest though. It might be possible they were disappointed by my last reply though, which was a vibe i did get. For sure it’s happened before, and one time, it happened with someone who turned out to be a nasty fellow. Our characters were flirting (kinda planned) it was fun but my character didnt push through and i sensed that disappointed heavily. And the whole mood of the thread change.

But they were a nasty fellow so they don’t really count. But idk i know the way i write is a bit different from others but i love my way of doing things. It can be awfully disappointing when the other doesn’t enjoy it as much as i do. Which is why sometimes i pretend to not care 🗿

Another angle on this topic: Some of my favorite writing partners I've ever had are people I didn't talk to much OOCly. I shipped with someone for, uh, seven years? And we knew passing things about one another OOC, but the majority of our conversations were, "Hey want to do X plot? Okay, cool, when are you free?"

I think sometimes people feel they have to be OOCly always available and chatty and enthusiastic to be a 'good' RP partner, and that's not only unsustainable for many people, but also simply not true. I think writing speaks for itself. Good roleplay partners give you good content to respond to, and communicate with you about anything like absences, or desires to change direction in storytelling.

I've often been surprised to learn people think I'm upset with them, or assume I don't want to plot anymore, and their reasoning was because I hadn't reached out for a thread in awhile. They're even writers I feel I give my 'best' to, and who have some of my favorite threads! But again, the OOC weight given to socializing and to conveying enthusiasm can create a false sense that the other roleplayer isn't interested, and all you can do is hope people believe you when you give them your answers. I try to be honest when confronted, too, and admit things like 'My current plot didn't seem like it would be fun for you.' It goes both ways.

Final thought: It's unhealthy to play the game of hypervigilance where you try and guess what other people "really mean." I say this as a hypervigilant person who tries too hard to make other people comfortable. Shouldn't we expect people to advocate for themselves and their wants? If we expect people to be honest, then we should take their words at face value until proven otherwise. We cannot (and shouldn't!) be mind readers who perfectly navigate every hurdle without fail. That's just not realistic, and what's worse, it's exhausting. And silently teaches people being passive aggressive is the way to get you to change your behavior.

Appreciate the thoughts! I know it was ultimately a “me” problem. Despite understanding logically that there could be a thousand reasons, it still wasn’t easy. And honestly, given that this vibe I had actually turned out to be right too, I guess i shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I guess my feelings of anxiety were just from being blindsided repeatedly. People who you think are cool with you and you have mo beef against, then they reveal their true colors and don’t even bother you with a conversation. I don’t try to be friends with everyone but I try to get along. I naively think as fellow writers in a niche hobby who use it as an escape from reality, we would be understanding to each other. I wouldnt bother to understand you if you were an ah but if i thought we were cool, that’s what gets to me. That’s when i try to read if i did something wrong…

Anyway i have resolved my internal conflicts 😌 even if i still am unsure at the end, thats just what it is. Everyone’s tired