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Staffing Confessions

the chalk prince
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existential execution is just a fluke in evolution.
type of event and what your memberbase is like is super important. if they don't mesh together well then you're going to be in for a tough time. you have to go through a healthy mixture of both plot-heavy and fluffy, short events to get a happy medium. otherwise, yeah, they're not going to be memorable if they're always just short events aligned with a holiday/season. on the other hand, however, people are going to get exhausted if all you do is throw plot-heavy, long events their way.

beach episodes exist for a reason.
last edit on Nov 23, 2023 22:52:19 GMT by yuan
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i've been having some pretty dark thoughts.
The struggle of having to choose between the wants of the community and the wants of the self as a person running the site. 😔 I know what I ought to do, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel bad - or that it even being an internal debate doesn't make me feel like a horrible person, dsfkjldhfkjdhfjkdsh.
aliasAerie, badmin, insert profanity
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The struggle of having to choose between the wants of the community and the wants of the self as a person running the site. 😔 I know what I ought to do, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel bad - or that it even being an internal debate doesn't make me feel like a horrible person, dsfkjldhfkjdhfjkdsh.

as a very self-sacrificing admin, i learned this recently. it feels bad, but the site health can't thrive with an unhappy admin. there is almost always a direct correlation between site health/success and investment/muse of admin.

and also...

they'll get over it.
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chichi wo moge
i played the admin who bends over backwards too many times. still prob will in any future project. the pains of being a people pleaser fr.

worth it in small doses but too much coddling and people start feeling too privileged in a bad way. ie. you owe them all your time and attention, they want to be involved in most staff decisions when they don't need to be. had to deal with so many fits over stupid, trivial things bc of it.

i think there is def a balance to it ( which i haven't figured out yet ). but yeah.
Tidal Wave
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I think that a lot of admins do try and be that way. They start out with the intention of finding that balance. I'm also quite a giving admin, used to be entirely way too people pleasing in general, but lately I've learned that boundaries are good, and you can't make everyone happy. Usually, I wind up putting everything to a vote, because I don't want to make my members unhappy. Sometimes I just implement things without voting on them because I have to as an admin. It's important to take members wants and needs into consideration, but you don't always have to implement them. It's important to make people feel like they're involved, but it's also important to make sure that they don't have all the power. It's a tough line to learn how to walk on.

the chalk prince
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existential execution is just a fluke in evolution.
just going to add this because i think people forget that if you have more staff members than just you, admins are not the ones who have a final say in decision making. you have to take into account your staff, their thoughts, their feelings, and their opinions just as much as your own.

if you are making decisions without consulting your fellow staff members that aren't for the immediate health of the site, then that's not fair to your team and will leave them wondering why you even brought them on board. especially if those staff members helped you create your site and it's not 100% just you. they have as much a say in it as you do, since it's no longer just YOUR project. it's their project too.

p.s. ily leap
last edit on Nov 27, 2023 20:22:58 GMT by yuan
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maybe wallace being my fav was foreshadowing
Tbh not even just staff members. The whole community in your site has contributed to make your concept come to life. They’re the reason why it has thrived and grown. I think owners are free to run their site however they wish; i do know it is different for every site and i respect that. But the gatekeeping is still bizarre. I find it sad, even.


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Adding my two cents into this conversation about admining and people pleasing, I see the merits with everything be posted.

I highly agree with that after a certain point, if you have more than one staff it is a group project and needs to be treated as such. I'm working on a site right now where, yes, I am probably considered the main admin and help spearhead and write ideas. However, there are several of us. If someone doesn't like something - we discuss, we compromise, we move on. All of us in staff are adults and we can work things out. If people are upset, they talk it out. They apologize.

As for members, you don't need to people please as much as you think. Sure, take ideas from members, try to see if it works in. People are mostly understanding. If it was a dealer breaker, members will come and go if they want. It's OK to say 'no'; however, the delivery of that 'no' is important and how often ideas are being shot down (latter can also be associated with others seeing favoritism if they see people getting yes all the time). Like said - this can be a fine line to walk sometimes.

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here's a raw confession:

I'm low-key embarrassed by how much staffing affects me emotionally. Not to say that I'm in tears or rocking in the fetal position, but not satisfying every single person on the forum makes me feel like such a failure. And I know it's impossible. But those moments really sit with me. And at the end of the day, I know I'm a good guy. I know I try to do what's best for everyone. But it still actually affects my mood IRL and I guess it's just really an embarrassing moment when I'm like . . . a hobby of running communities for writing pretend characters in a pretend land that I don't get paid for is really making me feel not good enough as a person. That's wild to me, and I wish I had the nonchalance many others do.
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here's a raw confession:

I'm low-key embarrassed by how much staffing affects me emotionally. Not to say that I'm in tears or rocking in the fetal position, but not satisfying every single person on the forum makes me feel like such a failure. And I know it's impossible. But those moments really sit with me. And at the end of the day, I know I'm a good guy. I know I try to do what's best for everyone. But it still actually affects my mood IRL and I guess it's just really an embarrassing moment when I'm like . . . a hobby of running communities for writing pretend characters in a pretend land that I don't get paid for is really making me feel not good enough as a person. That's wild to me, and I wish I had the nonchalance many others do.
This is very common, or to rephrase - I feel this way a lot. I think it stems from the time, effort and thought you put into a site and the work that if it can't be enjoyed then it can cause spikes in anxiety about how you possibly did all that work for nothing. It takes a lot of work to emotionally detach it sometimes, yet at the same time, roleplay is a community. If my contributions and efforts in my friend group, my D&D group, my former sports team back in highschool, ANYTHING was not enjoyed or I somehow upset or made someone not like something, I would take it personally too, and Roleplay communities can and are real, breathing parts of one life - ESPECIALLY as staff. So it's a bit ok to feel that, but it shouldn't ruin days or influence life. It's like a job, the best thing to learn, which I still try to learn, is the balance of when to step away a bit and take a breath.

I feel I have progressed a lot from my early roleplay days to do what others have said and more focused on making a site that I would like to write on and know I am making a site because I never found a site in the fandom that fit my visions and that had helped a lot. Just to add onto the other conversations above. We staff because we want to provide a service and place to a community, but there are other communities. If you don't like Walmart then go to Target, if you don't like my rules, or how the site runs there are others and you can make your own. Sadly, you can not and will not please everyone but that doesn't mean we can't try without sacrificing our vision and goals for a site!
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Tidal Wave
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Unrelated but still somehow related. I get saddled with "favoritism" a lot, but to be fair it isn't always, even if it seems like it. I am more willing to work with people that actively bring ideas to the table and if those ideas fit because the person knows what they're talking about and what they're doing. If you hang around discord chat all the time but don't ever post or know anything about current plots going on and bring me some random idea, there's a good chance I'm going to say no. But then you can't be mad when someone that does actively get involved in the site lore and threads and plots brings an idea with all the supporting reasons why and it gets approved, this is not favoritism. I'm not playing favorites because I "like them more" than whoever. I'm approving a well thought out idea that actually fits overall by someone that puts in the effort instead of haphazardly doing something they want to do that doesn't fit anyone but themselves.

The same thing with cliques and rp buddy favorites. I try my hardest not to have favorites. Effort is simply met with effort. Give me effort, and I'll return it. Show me you are as passionate about the project as I am, that you understand what is going on in the world and where the thing fits in. It will likely be approved. Bring me a plot that only makes yourself important and is meant to blow ego up your ass, it's not happening. Sorry. That's just how it works, at least for my sites. Each has their own.

the narrative
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here's a raw confession:

I'm low-key embarrassed by how much staffing affects me emotionally. Not to say that I'm in tears or rocking in the fetal position, but not satisfying every single person on the forum makes me feel like such a failure. And I know it's impossible. But those moments really sit with me. And at the end of the day, I know I'm a good guy. I know I try to do what's best for everyone. But it still actually affects my mood IRL and I guess it's just really an embarrassing moment when I'm like . . . a hobby of running communities for writing pretend characters in a pretend land that I don't get paid for is really making me feel not good enough as a person. That's wild to me, and I wish I had the nonchalance many others do.


hi. another admin here, and i wanted to say that… yeah, i empathize with that so much, especially with what you said about failure. there’s a long amount of context that lead to me ending up as the admin of the site i’m on, and have been running for three years, but it rlly made me want to just Do Things Right(TM), especially for its community and the site at large, and consistently worried that if i messed up somewhere; that if the site died due to the wrong thing (i.e. toxicity, drama, simply quietly fizzling out) — i was failing a lot of people, including myself. and that was something i refused to let happen. it unfortunately lead to me making a lot of wrong decisions out of the concern that if i let [xyz] explode, or said something about [zyx], or w/e else — it would cause some kind of colossal Thing(TM) that would completely fuck up the site and put many members of the community in the crossfire of something that isn’t theirs to deal with in the first place. (looking back at those choices, i know i could have made better ones, but i know my truth and reasons for making those choices, and i can accept that. the only thing to rlly do now is move forward.)

that consistent worry impacted my mental health a lot, more than i’m proud to admit, and hilariously more than the amount of straight up traumatizing rl bullshit i had to deal with at the same time. hell, it also nearly made me cry when i finished the 4.2 genshin impact archon quest because furina’s narrative just hit,,,, way too real to me LOL. regardless, all of this is just meant to say that you’re not alone in feeling that kind of way? i don’t think it’s embarrassing to have a hobby you poured a lot into (and i’ve been in your sites; i know you’ve poured a lot into them) impact how you feel emotionally. it’s being a person, and that’s hella real.

buuuut i also think that, at least based on personal experience, being Witness(TM) to a lot of shit when it comes to ppl and their worries getting the best of them, and especially made more clear after getting therapy bc of site bullshit LOL, sometimes the only thing that can be done is to look at yourself and your feelings, practice some kind tough love, and own up to the shit you deserve and don’t deserve. are you happy with the work you’re making? are you proud of it? if the answer is in any way, a no, then it’s worth a shot to figure out what will make things work — talk to the people around you, build a compromise, and just let people know that you also need some help, support, or w/e else. i think a lot of people have a tendency to forget, especially in an online space, that whoever is wearing the admin hat is a very real person just as well, who has their own personal feelings to trudge through, and ultimately are doing what they can while knowing what they do impacts a huge amount of people. lean on your support circles, own up to who you are, what you value, what you deserve, where you can do better — both to yourself and to the people around you, and i think that’ll go a long way.
last edit on Dec 1, 2023 2:16:48 GMT by CEL



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maybe wallace being my fav was foreshadowing
I’ve only staffed for a few times but i think in those times i made for a very good staff. I have a strong work ethic. Yes staffing isnt working but i mean, in general. I hate not keeping my word and coming empty-handed. Im a very dedicated fellow and mahbe bc i have a lot of energy, having an objective to direct them helps me a lot. So i always know i want to stick to being a mod; being up as an admin never suited me.

But now im making my own site. I’ve made a few small sites before. Didnt last long but i did cut corners to open them earlier and just didnt think long term. Those times i had friends working with me. Now i dont lol. And while i am definitely going all out now and belatedly realizing i am making my biggest passion project for rp, i am afraid it would be a flop. Yeah, thats normal but you know what i was doing before i came back to rping months ago? I was working on a fic that i had also poured all my heart and time in for over a year. I wrote it to direct my energy after my dog died. I told myself it was for me and it was but… i did underestimate how hard it is for your work to go unnoticed. Or even just misunderstood. It really kills your motivation.

So there’s that added worry that that would carry over. It just feels like the more i pour my heart into something, the less popular it would be. Now i’ve had successful fics that i still poured my heart in and found success so i do know it was just a coincidence but still… i do feel this way at times with posts i receive. Feeling like people dont react the same way i do to something.

Really not an uncommon thing ik but it still sucks 😂

Edit: i spent money on a year of grammarly and milanote and commed fanarts and even tried social media. I was really trying to get my fic be noticed lmao. I dont regret the purchases. I was doing it knowing full well it could fail and there was really only one way to find out how far i could go. But even after all that it wasnt enough, i knew i’d hit a dead end

And i even contacted beta readers via ffnet!!! Someone actually did reply and after two long convos i got ghosted lmao
last edit on Dec 1, 2023 13:48:52 GMT by vegeta’s fursona


【 POKEMON EVOLUTION: TERRORS 】
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