Trying to get my bestie back into writing— is there any place that people get prompts from? It's been 84 years

obligatory "I am too tired and stressed constantly" post I haven't made here for a while

i've been putting off posting in this site bc i wanted to reply and thank you two for saying these things but i also kept putting that off bc i'm not reaelly sure myself. but it really helped me a lot at that moment when i got these replies. made me realize (again) that grieving is a long process and talking really does help. recieving any kind of response - knowing that someone listened and replied to you - helps tremendously. so i really appreciate the time and thankless effort it is for you guys to reply to a random person in the internet. there are many days when i feel like i've gotten better. then suddenly there are days like yesterday when i stumble onto his pile of medicines and i question again how i can move on with my life and what things i've done wrong and differently in the past to change the present.

me having a violent flashback to when i was learning a new routine with the rest of my taiko group, but my taiko teachers compared part of it to another routine

dear reader, i had not LEARNED that routine at the time

(2) on what desmond said. you aren't a shitty person because you can't & won't accept the apology. you're a person who got hurt because someone you valued as a friend betrayed your trust and believed the worst about you, all because someone else said so. you aren't under any obligation to accept that, especially when he didn't try to have a conversation with you about the matter, and instead jumped the gun on hateful behavior so suddenly. i've been there. it hurts,  it'll make you mad, and my hot take is, honestly? someone who does value you as a friend would make an effort to understand what happened on both sides, at the very least, rather than act with impulsive cruelty. 

again, speaking from experience: the real friends worth sticking with wouldn't do something like that to you. because they actually give a damn about you and care, and anyone who immediately jumps to believe the words of someone else's questionable hatespeech regarding you just has preconceived notions they want to believe true. once they're given a (in their view) valid reason to feel vindicated for how they feel, they'll do it. it's why the biggest combatant to gossip is, fundamentally, communication and empathy. anyone who has a problem with you, or disagrees with you to the point of it boiling into poor behavior, especially if they're meant to be a friend, would speak up on it directly.

a hard to swallow pill for some, but like, a friendship, like any relationship, requires people willing to talk about their problems, engage in healthy confrontation and discussion, and understand just wtf is going on and how to move forward. if the person won't do that with you, and only apologizes after they're proven wrong through some other means, then i think that says enough. 

tl;dr, don't feel bad for refusing to accept the apology. that's just knowing you deserve better. he broke your trust. that takes time and effort to rebuild. you are under no obligation to give it freely, and immediately, after that kinda display of behavior. if he really does mean his apology, he should understand that. if the friendship mattered, work will be done to prove that. if not, then the unfortunate fact of life is that sometimes that'll happen. i know i'm bitter over years of my wasted youth on some people, but you learn to move on. and that doesn't make you a shitty person at all.

Desmond Miles CEL ulla
Thanks for the kind words.

I know it's best for myself to cut ties. It isn't so much that I'm upset by the behaviour itself, but I guess what stung the most was that after all the years of knowing each other, they somehow found it a credible enough accusation they didn't think there was a good excuse for it.

I've actually gotten to see the evidence now. Disappointingly, it was an out-of-context quote of me after the fact complaining to the (ex)mutual friend:

"Kinda sucks we have someone in the group who went"
"Lemme just go report this dude to his employer lmfao serves him right"

Well, you can guess what our oh-so hilarious prankster friend shared with the others.



Oh well! All pains pass. I wish I were a big enough person to forgive them, but ultimately I'm kinda petty and resent them for not at least giving me the benefit of the doubt. 

Doesn’t sound like being a shitty person, imo. Sounds like your friend didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt or approach you about what happened. And you understandably are hurt that someone you trusted was so willing to believe the worst of you, and treated you poorly for it.

You’re probably angry that things can’t go back to normal, because that would mean pretending you’re not upset when you are. But that’s not your fault. Neither of those people acted much like “friends.”

Not that you asked, just been in your shoes before. Listen to your gut in these things.

ETA: omg there was a whole other page of replies, I’m late to the party.

lol im tired of people jumping in to criticize me without even checking if im okay first. like i guess it's because i'm a self aware bad bitch 99% of the time but like. man am i even a person to you. i want to stop giving more than i get but i'm also not really sure how to do that.

Lost all my macros and saved gear sets when I switched from PS4 version to PS5... I want to start leveling crafters again but do I want to redo my hot bars again... D:

on one hand, it's honestly kind of sweet that my supervisor had pestered the office nurse to get me a consultation over my exhaustion at work. on the other, when will this man realize like 90% of the cause is the fact i get to work at 7am and get home at 9pm because of my daily commute, all because he insists on us going to office 5 days a week while the other teams can work from home, all so he can look more responsible in the eyes of the higher ups.

i actually have lost count of how many times ive pinpointed the daily commute as the reason to him. i have also lost count of the number of times my teammates voiced similar concerns to him.

In happier news, I watched Delicious in Dungeon (in glorious dub, Marcille's VA is great, don't @ me) and good lord have I missed a good anime that made me laugh and sit at the edge of my seat for more. Can't wait for season 2.

I didn't expect too much but the cast is genuinely amazing and lovable.