One of my favorite things to do when I was a mod was I'd surprise members with storylines. I'd carefully build little plot crumbs that built to a wider narrative, and then I'd love getting to see people's excited reactions when those stories finally went live.

This is the first time in a long time I've been on the receiving end of plotting like that, and it's been really, really fun not knowing what's going to happen next.

I get the distinct impression I’m supposed to find certain aspects of my job more fun than I do. Other people get excited about those things, but I do not.

Sometimes I daydream about writing my last main the way I really wanted to. She got watered down by the desire to people please, and every time I brainstormed a way to make her be perceived as the character I wanted her to be, I got cold feet because I knew how unpopular that mod decision would be.

But I always dreamed of a zealous arc, one that really leaned into her aspects of merciless judgment and self-righteousness. When you are so hardliner “good” your actions can become evil.

Sometimes I look at my playing time for Crusader Kings II on Steam and I die inside, knowing this is public to all my friends.

I often decide the outcome I want in an event, and then work backwards designing around that. I highly recommend that method, because it helps you structure intelligently towards a goal. Most of my events tend to be socially-oriented, because my goals are usually designed around character development and encouraging further character dynamics (I struggle a lot with thinking in a PVP mindset).

A really easy event I did that was very popular was a Valentine's Day event run by my character's flower shop. You filled out a set template to order either flowers, perfumes, or desserts for another character, sending it to them with a short card that either was anonymous or signed. It took very little effort to write on my end, very little effort to participate in, and yet had large story implications. My initial goal was to create a personalized opportunity for members to express their feelings towards other characters, while using my existing story tools to facilitate that.

Things like this fit very organically and neatly without upsetting other narratives, imo. Are there any types of events you'd like to steer more towards in general? People can probably share similar structures that worked for them.

I've heard of some sites that will do rolling open-periods. So maybe they open up publicly for new members for a month, then close entry until they feel like opening up for new blood again, aside from invite-only. You can then choose to open up the 'public' submission process again when things feel stale.

Keeps population more manageable, and 'bad fits' are more likely to leave after finding their thread partners lacking.

This is totally a legitimate thing to do and just want to say, good on you for doing that for yourself. Popularity is a vanity metric, imo. Running any site or creative community is a hobby. The most important question to ask yourself always is, “Is this creative labor rewarding to me? Do I find it fun? Or do I dread logging in and doing this?”

Some people thrive on creating large collaborative spaces to invite other roleplayers to join. Other people prefer to curate. It’s no different than preferring to DM for a small D&D group you know rather than a group of randos. I think it’s great to know where you want to put your energy, and the final product will be better for it because it doesn’t feel like an obligation but a labor of love.

I wouldn’t say you’re selfish for that. You get to decide how to spend your time and energy. And you don’t have to explain that decision to anyone.

I can’t believe I am losing another manager. I’m now just reporting to the big boss.

But, it’s not a bad thing? I am getting more freedom to do what I want in my role, and I’m being trusted more to act without oversight.

…Freedom is just terrifying.

Trying to teach myself it is okay to work in ways my brain prefers to work, than to work in the standard way I believe I’m expected to work.

It is odd how unteaching “overwork” (which masks my neurodivergence) makes me feel lazy and inefficient. But I also know if I can find healthier ways to make myself function, I can provide good work without breaking myself in the process.

It’s a slow learning process, but I’m trying to be patient and kind to myself.

Absolutely gutted to lose my manager. She deserves her amazing new job. But man, losing your best coworkers hits hard.

“I have been mortal, and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, although I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret.”

- The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle