pronounsshe; her
63written posts
offlinecurrently
something i've been thinking about for a few years, as it always seems to happen to me:
i am tired of being the "bad cop" of admin teams. like, somehow, i always end up falling into the role where i have to be the one to point out problems, or say when something is not okay. i also end up something like a guard dog, being the one to defend against rude people/annoyances. and like... that's fine. but it's not easy on me. if someone needs to step up and do it, i will. but i don't want to be seen as some heartless/nitpicky bitch. i am actually... ridiculously sensitive. and i end up crying over site related shit a lot more often than a person should. this is all online and shouldn't bother me irl, but... fuck, does it.
i've also been thrown under the bus so many times, to appease other members. like, oh i don't really have an issue with it myself, but.... and guess what? i'm the but, because i saw a very serious issue with a certain thing. it really eats away at me. i know there is usually a staff/member sort of divide, but this just makes it grow wider and wider.
i try my hardest to remain fair and impartial, and i work in the background to make sure everything comes off as kindly but as firmly as necessary... but i'm still the bad guy at the end of the day. the one who gives out all the bad news and the one who no one wants to interact with.
maybe i care too much about these things. but... staffing has become painful for me. so much so, that i'm hesitant to help out even when a friend asks me to.
i just want to have a good time and write, just like everyone else. i'm tired of ending up the bad guy.
I'm not fully involved in your situation, and I've never been a staff member so I can't really empathize, but I'm sorry to hear about this. This sounds to me like it's negatively impacting your mood and your life, if I'm correct in assuming so.
I wouldn't say just because something is online doesn't mean it shouldn't bother you. Still, the good thing about hobbies online is that if they start to become toxic, you can walk away from them--and even then, it's not walking away from a hobby per se, it's walking away from managing a hobby for other people. I would really suggest that, if staffing has really become detrimental to your mental and emotional health, you stop doing it for your own sake, even if your friend asks for help.
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